In which I essentially do to the internet what I am complaining about people doing to me:

[gyzym]

Okay, internet, I am having a problem and I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT.

This is the thing: I am cursed. I have always been cursed. I inherited this curse from my mother, and someday, if I decide that reproduction is on my to-do list, my child will probably inherit it from me.

The curse of which I speak is The Curse of Approachability, and I possess it in spades.

I DO NOTHING TO ENCOURAGE THIS, YOU GUYS. I mean, okay, admittedly once people start talking I don't actively demand that they stop, because that would be rude and bitchy and sometimes they tell me horrible, horrible things and I feel guilty and I want to make them feel better, but that does not explain why THEY TALK TO ME TO BEGIN WITH. And I am not anti-social, I am not opposed to random conversation--I will happily strike up a friendly chat with someone in line with me at the grocery store, I am more than willing to engage in casual dialogue with strangers. That is not what I am talking about.

This is what I am talking about: people walk up to me, and, apropos of nothing, tell me their life stories.

No, look, I'm serious. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.

Me: Oh, lalalala, I am going to order a cup of coffee because I stayed up too late reading & writing Inception fic and now I feel like death. So I will just stand here quietly in line and--
Random Woman Behind Me In Line: I HAVE KIDNEY ISSUES.
Me: Oh! Um, I'm very sorry--
RWBMIL: LET ME TELL YOU AN EXTENDED AND GRAPHIC TALE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS URINATING.
Me: Oh my god, um, that sounds terrible--
RWBMIL: OH, DID YOU WANT TO GO TO WORK? BECAUSE I AM GOING TO CONTINUE TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS AT GREAT LENGTH WHILE PEOPLE AROUND US LOOK AWAY. I HOPE YOU DO NOT MIND BEING LATE!
Me: I...um. Um. Oh my god, um. Help?

I eventually escape her, go to work, and pull a half-day because my office is dead. I go out to the parking garage.

Me: Lalala I will just stick my ticket in the machine and pay it there is not even anyone in here lalalala--
Lady Who COMES OUT OF NOWHERE: Aren't the prices at this garage outrageous?
Me: Yeah, it's a bummer--
LWCOON: I CANNOT AFFORD TO PARK HERE BECAUSE MY OLDEST SON IS IN COLLEGE GETTING A DEGREE HE'LL NEVER USE AND MY DAUGHTER INSISTED ON BALLET LESSONS EVEN THOUGH MY HUSBAND IS A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING DEADBEAT WHO NEVER DRIVES HER ANYWHERE AND I HAD TO PARK HERE THIS MORNING BECAUSE I WAS RUNNING LATE BECAUSE MY SISTER'S KID VOMITED AND I HAD TO TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE SHE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO DO IT HERSELF AND WE'VE NEVER GOTTEN ALONG BUT I'M STILL EXPECTED TO DO HER ALL THESE FAVORS AND I FORGOT MY LUNCH AND I HAVE A BLISTER ON MY FOOT FROM THESE STUPID SHOES BECAUSE I MEANT TO GRAB THE OTHER ONES AND--
Me: Jesus Christ, WHAT AM I DOING TO ENCOURAGE THIS.

I mean, look. I like people! I do, I genuinely like people, I find them fascinating and compelling and there are times--in bars, in waiting rooms--where I like hearing about their lives. I spend all my free time writing, be it original stuff or fic, and the more you talk to people better you are at writing about people. I don't deny this. And I feel bad, because I know someone who is unloading their woes on a random girl they've never met before is probably really lonely, and that sucks, so I try to be kind.

But, just, Jesus Christ. Sometimes I'll be writing in a coffee shop with my headphones in and people will tap me on the shoulder and make me take my headphones out and then will start talking. Random people! People I've never laid eyes on! I'm starting to wonder if I'm like, secretly blacking out and going around town making ~lasting connections~ I don't know about, because honest to god what what what. And while there are certainly times I'm happy to listen, there are also times--when I'm on my way to work, when I'm running errands, when I'm supposed to be somewhere--that I really can't. But how do I even begin to interrupt someone telling me about their battle with cancer to tell them I've got a dentist appointment in fifteen minutes? Their problems are clearly worse and more important than mine--but at the same time, I don't even know their name.

I don't know, guys. I just don't know. Maybe it's just my face?

Comments

[arineat.livejournal.com]

D: WTF? What kind of town do you LIVE in? O________O

Just pretend to get a phone call and be like "oh, sorry, I have to take this" and fuck right off. Seriously! *pets*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

BUT...BUT I FEEL SO BAD D:

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD ALSO I JUST REALIZED I DID NOT EVER TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THE AUDIOFIC, BECAUSE I LISTENED TO IT AT LIKE 3 IN THE MORNING AND PROMPTLY PASSED OUT. BUT I LOOOOOOOVE IT AND YOU ARE A GODDESS AND EEEEEEE!

[dremiel.livejournal.com]

I am really sorry for your plight but honestly I kinda derailed at I stayed up too late...writing Inception fic.

WANT!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Lololololol *desperately tries to finish one of them*

[aredblush.livejournal.com]

Okay, are you me? Also, I'm pretty sure it's not a curse, it's genetics! Because my mum has the same problem!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I THINK IT IS A GENETIC CURSE.

[ruffians.livejournal.com]

My BFF has this problem, except its more about men approaching and saying sexual things or propositioning her.

I think I've come to the conclusion that she smiles too much. So stop looking so happy!

[ruffians.livejournal.com]

Also, I just realized I never told you I added you as a friend. But I need to stalk your fic so I had to do it. Hi!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with -- no, you're right, I'm laughing at you.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT ME I WROTE YOU MORE ODYSSEUS YUSUF >:(

But lmfao, in all seriousness, I am laughing at myself. My life, so ridiculous.

[dumbimps.livejournal.com]

It's like you're extracting information without even trying :'D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Lolol, that is a great comfort to me :D

[frogy.livejournal.com]

It's probably just your face. I have the opposite problem. I look angry and unapproachable all the time. (Also, hello! I am a random person who loves your fic. I promise not to tell you any random, embarrassing personal stories.)

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Awww, hello! Lovely to meet you! And I am sure you do not look angry and unapproachable--and lol, if you did, I would gladly trade :D

Awkward ninja...

[gothicauthor.livejournal.com]

Me, too!! In 75% of my random candid shots, I look like grumpy enough to kill someone. And when I'm feeling perfectly fine, people ask me if I'm upset or tired or angry.

...I am also a completely random stranger, but I felt I should say hi and commiserate, hahahaha.

GA

[lothlorienbaby.livejournal.com]

My God, you *are* the best extractor! You don't even have to talk to people to find out their secrets!

I have a little bit of the same thing, although it's more with people who know me in passing. Like, sure I just answered your training question pleasantly but that doesn't mean we're close enough friends to discuss your hysterectomy. Like you, I feel bad if I don't take the time to hear them out. But it's also super annoying because I HAVE WORK TO DO PEOPLE. I have poor boundary-setting skills. Someday I should work on that.

I think it must be congenital niceness.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, I GET THAT TOO. And I am like, augh, honey, I am sorry for your problems but please to understand that we are casual acquaintances and this is not what you do.

If only extraction were real. I could make a killing :D

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME DIRECTIONS. OR REQUEST RANDOM INFORMATION FROM ME. I HAVE AN INVISIBLE SIGN THAT SAYS "HI, I KNOW EVERYTHING, ASK ME".

LITERALLY ALL THE TIME. IT'S HAPPENED THREE TIMES IN THE PAST WEEK.

EVEN IN MY HOME CITY, WHICH GETS NO TOURISTS. THE ONE TOURIST IN THE WHOLE PLACE SOMEHOW FINDS ME SO THEY CAN INTERROGATE ME. THIS HAPPENED EVERY TIME I WENT INTO THE CITY OVER THE SUMMER HOLIDAY. EVERY SINGLE TIME!

THERE IS CLEARLY SOMETHING ABOUT ME WHICH SAYS "HELLO, I KNOW A LOT, AND IF I DO NOT KNOW, I CAN FIND OUT FOR YOU REALLY QUICKLY, GIVE ME FIVE SECONDS!". I MEAN, THIS IS TRUE... BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE PEOPLE WON'T STOP ASKING ME! I KNOW THE DIRECTIONS TO PLACES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF EVER GOING TO. EVER. I WAS WALKING THROUGH MY COLLEGE WITH TWO OF MY FRIENDS A FEW DAYS AGO, AND A TOURIST WALKED RIGHT UP TO ME, TOTALLY IGNORING THE OTHER PEOPLE I WAS WITH, TO ASK ME MULTIPLE COMPLICATED GEOGRAPHICAL QUESTIONS.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

KUDOS ON TOTALLY BEING AN ACCIDENTAL EXTRACTOR, THOUGH.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

DUDE. DUDE. LAST NIGHT I WAS IN THIS COFFEE PLACE AND I WAS PACKING UP TO GO AND THIS DUDE WALKS UP TO ME--IN A CROWDED COFFEE SHOP, SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE ON THEIR LAPTOPS--HE WALKS UP TO ME AND MAKES ME TAKE OUT MY HEADPHONES AND ASKS WHERE THE NEAREST MOVIE THEATER IS.

LIKE. JUST. WHAT.

ACCIDENTAL EXTRACTOR IS SO MY NEW JOB TITLE.

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

Oh lord - it is some kind of curse or superpower - two of my close friends have it; and they CANNOT go ANYWHERE without being accosted.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

I can tell you that at 30 it has gotten easier <3 Fewer people approach me and they leave me alone mostly now! (i sometimes still get approached :) )

When I got rid of the emotional vampires and started taking better care of myself I noticed a significant drop in strangers trying to latch onto me :)

*hugs* good luck!

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

This is not nearly so pesky a problem as yours, but people are constantly asking me for directions, even in cities where I myself am a visitor.

It might have something to do with the fact that when I go to any new city I arrive with more books about that city than most people have books period, and then first thing ask where's the best bookstore for the kind of locally produced little guidebooks that have the really good stuff, so ...

So, yeah, when strangers in strange cities ask me how to get wherever, I usually do in fact know. And maybe I have a face that say "I know these things."

Maybe you have a face that says "I will not be able to turn my back and walk away from you no matter what you tell me." That could totally be inherited.

[(Anonymous)]

You should write a fic.
Where Arthur has the same curse as you.
And he's all awkward about it, but is too much a gentleman tell people to shut up.
And Eames thinks it's funny.
LOL it's not the craziest thing you would have written!

[gothicauthor.livejournal.com]

Ugh. x.x That happens to me, too, sometimes. Some woman started talking to me about her Christmas shopping at like Wendy's or Burger King or something, and then started ranting about how disgusting homosexuality is. It was oddly hilarious, because she was like, "There's nothing cute about a guy doing another guy in the ass, you know what I'm saying?"

And I was like, "............"

I can't believe people make you take off your headphones, though! That's just rude. I feel like in that case, you totally have the right to mention that you are actually busy, because holy cow. That's the POINT of having headphones.

GA

[sound-of-bells.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I wound up here scrolling through your Inception fic (genius, brilliance, etc etc) and saw this and just had to comment, because, I mean:

1. Jesus fucking Christ, my sympathies forever, and

2. THIS USED TO HAPPEN TO MY MOTHER. I mean I guess it still does, kind of, but not like it used to. Apparently when she was living in New York after college and commuting on the subway, like you do, and people would just SIT DOWN NEXT TO HER and start unloading all of this sort of shit, and she'd just be like, I -- what is -- who -- what even is happening. I have thankfully not inherited this particular quality, thank fucking god. Because I would probably just stare at people and kind of whimper, which is what I did when I worked as a cashier in high school (ah, fond memories) and had to deal with people buying dinner on their way home from their awful, heinous days and decided that the seventeen-year-old girl working at the farmstand-slash-grocery-store was clearly the person to talk to/rant at about it. I do not miss that job.

At least, though, you do write, and... can glean something out of this? Silver lining? Yeaaaaah, didn't really think so.

[waterbaby12us.livejournal.com]

Wow, really? That's just, wow O_O You must really have a very approachable aura! I'm sure any therapist will be jealous of your skills

My only advice is to not and say, in some accent, I SPEAK NO ENGLISH! =P