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Okay so:

The campus internet has decided today that my f-list is too dirty for me to view. THIS IS FRUSTRATING ON A NUMBER OF LEVELS: first, there is the fact that I was to know what is going on with y'all. And second, this means that THERE IS SOME KIND OF HOT SOMETHING GOING ON THAT I AM NOT VIEWING.

So, here's my plan--let's stick it to the campus. Even if they block this entry from me (and they might--some of my own dirtier stories are blocked on the internet here, which makes me laugh, because I WROTE THEM, GUYS, YOU CANNOT BLOCK ME FROM MY OWN BRAIN), all my comments will come through to my Gmail account.

So, here is is: THE FIVE ACTS MEME. With the added bonus of sticking it the man, Mozzie-style.

1.) Make a post at your journal/fic-place/wherever containing your list of your five favourite acts to read about, and underneath that list the fandoms/pairings that you like.
2.) I will have a master-list up: comment there with a link to your five-acts entry and I'll add it to the list.
3.) Go to other people's lists and comment fic all over their gosh-darn FACES.
4.) ???
5.) PROFIT.

And by "PROFIT" I mean "YAY PORN!"

Five Acts:
1. Frotting
2. Anything involving water (NOT PEE THOUGH, YOU GUYS. WATER, NOT WATERSPORTS. I'm talking shower!sex, lake!sex, rain!sex. Anything where at least one party is soaking wet. NOT PEE.)
3. Cunnilingus
4. Nipples!
5. Uh. Can hair-pulling count as a kink? I suppose I really mean like--just this side of rough sex. Yanking of the hair and throwing people across beds. IS THERE A WORD FOR THIS?

Fandoms:
White Collar
Harry Potter
Sherlock Holmes
Psych

In conclusion: FIGHT THE POWER, WRITE SOME PORN :D

[ETA: Indeed, the campus internet WILL NOT allow me to see the comments of this post. I can edit the entry, but not see/reply to the comments. IT KNOWS WHERE THE PORN IS. But

thosewerepearls, by ALL MEANS do number 5 (!!!) and

photoash OHMYGOD THAT IS HOT and

speccygeekgrrl I am glad I am not the only one to find that kink valid and

themkshrine I am so excited already to see what you do with it. And everyone who comments after this, your comments are DEEPLY APPRECIATED and BEING READ via Gmail and I WILL ANSWER YOU AFTER 5 PM WHEN I AM BACK TO INTERNET THAT DOESN'T HATE PORN. I love you guys :D]

[ETA AGAIN: WOW. It let me answer ONE COMMENT AND THEN STOPPED AGAIN WHAT THE HELL INTERNET I GIVE UP ON YOU]

[ETA A THIRD TIME: In response to the emails/comments/messages to the effect that LJ is blocking a ton of people from comments--THAT TOTALLY SUCKS. However, I am sure that is not the cause of my problem, or at least not the only cause. Why, you ask?

Well, because when *I* try to see my comments, a screen comes up that says "Web content filtered. Reason: sex." HILARIOUS AND FRUSTRATING, NO?]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Hair-pulling is totally a valid kink, because it is hot as hell. Just sayin'... I'll be back here with something more constructive than just agreeing with your kinks in a little while. xD

...and here I rushed to post it up so everyone could read it when they were supposed to be working and all that. ;-)

5. Uh. Can hair-pulling count as a kink? I suppose I really mean like--just this side of rough sex. Yanking of the hair and throwing people across beds. IS THERE A WORD FOR THIS?

Yes. It's JFDKJSDLK!!!

Ok, so porn in the comments....

...I will get back to you. :-D

So... here is a tiny excerpt from a WIP but it seemed to fit the bill :)

Kate has the biggest nipples for such small breast. Neal loves them, loves that her breast are just a handful with these dark pink pencil erasers on the end of her half dollar sized aureoles. He loves how sensitive they are, how responsive they are when he licks them, sucks them, nips at them while he's busy thrust his fingers into her. She also writhes when he bites, delicately pressing his teeth in as she throatily moans, hips thrusting, trying to take more of his fingers in. Neal loves to drive her crazy like this, keep teasing her until Kate snaps. Till she grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him back and down onto the bed. She's deceptively strong, all muscle and bone in such a delicate package. And she loves to be the one in control.

Kate likes it rough. She usually puts more bite into her kisses than Neal strictly likes but he can forgive her when she's dragging her wet slit up and down his cock, teasing him before he even has a condom on. She likes to devour his mouth while she teases, letting her hands alternate between cupping the side of his face and buried in his hair. Kate really likes his hair. Neal's even been letting it grow out a bit, letting the curls really show and if her bedroom habits are anything to go by, she very much appreciates it.

*brain explodes*

Are you the person who just said that het sex is hard to write? BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE GETTING THE HANG OF IT.

het sex is like a -20 penalty to write <3 it is so HARD and I have a vagina it should not BE THIS HARD!

:) glad you liked it. It's actually part of the same story that your excerpt is from (Right back to this) and it's my attempt to explain why Neal so hung up on Kate and a look at their initial relationship...

I think I've posted almost all I have written for it except the beginning!

I am really excited for this fic!

Also did you just use a D&D metaphor to describe writing porn? God I think I am in love with you.

Mmm 5. Can I write something for five? I really want to write something for 5.

<3 again -- you and my betas are the only ones who will care <3 but I'm glad someone else is excited! I am excited about it! I'm to the have to write dialogue part which is a -30 penalty so it stalled out >_> but I did come back and write some sex for it :)

Yes, I did use a RPG reference there :D

Today I am writing something for my meta I posted that we discussed!! El not really liking the vag sex so much :D I thought of our discussion when I put that in :)

Edited 2010-04-20 19:07 (UTC)

I have my mind on #1...and climate change, goddamnit! Hey, maybe I can work in #2! And 4! Because everybody knows playing with Neal's nipples STOPS runaway greenhouse effect!!!!!

YES. I THINK MAYBE I FIXED IT AND IT'S GOING TO LET ME ANSWER COMMENTS NOW

I DID FIX IT, WOOO, YES YES YES, #5!!!

We interrupt the regularly scheduled porn writing session to bring you this breaking bit of cracky smut...

Wet

“You little shit.”

Peter was soaked from shoulders to waist, and when he reached for Neal, he got another blast from the hose, drenching him just above the beltline. But he didn’t let that shot deter him, or the one that hit him right in the crotch. The water wasn’t cold and the pressure was gentle, since he had hooked the hose up to the inside line for bathing the dog.

“Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it Peter?” Neal was naked and soaking wet himself. After he had finished drying Satchmo off and let the dog back inside, Peter had grabbed him and shoved the hose down the front of his pants, which were actually a pair of Peter’s old board shorts. The weight of the water and the extra room in the waistband dragged them down past Neal’s hips, and rather than fight gravity, Neal gave Peter a little strip-tease. He had tossed the soggy shorts at Peter, and picked up the discarded hose, getting back some of his own.

Neal kept backing up, hitting Peter with strategically placed shots on the chest, the arms, the groin, but he eventually ran out of room in the small backyard. Peter pressed his advantage, literally – shoving Neal against the fence and grabbed the hose from him – tossing it to one side.

Neal, completely naked and slippery wet, spun Peter around. “Better your ass against the fence.” Peter pushed back and somehow they both ended up on the ground, Peter on top – as usual. He shoved himself against Neal, who hissed in pleasure and pain from the rough, wet denim and the button fly against his cock. Peter reared back and struggled to free himself, but the stiff material wasn’t cooperating. Neal solved the problem by yanking the material opened. His cool, wet fingers felt good against Peter’s hot cock as he dragged it out of the dampened briefs.

Neal pulled Peter back down against him and reached down to align their cocks, but Peter jerked Neal’s hand away and set the rhythm, grinding and twisting his hips in a rough simulation of penetration. Peter hammered brutally against Neal and only their shared pre-cum kept them from being rubbed completely raw. Neal shoved back hard and came. Peter continued to frot against Neal until he exploded as well.

Peter rolled off Neal and laid on his back, enjoying the patch of blue sky. Over the bird song and traffic sounds, his own pounding heartbeat and Neal’s heavy breathing, he heard a familiar moan. He turned his head to see the deliciously obscene sight of his wife, her breasts dragged out on top of her bra, one hand pinching a cherry red nipple, the other one buried in her loose white shorts.

Neal saw her too, and reached for the hose.

Edited 2010-04-20 19:46 (UTC)

A deleted scene from "The Burkes Have Sex with Everyone":

----

Alex had not understood why Neal seemed to be so infatuated with Peter and Elizabeth Burke. It seemed too dangerous to get involved with an FBI agent -- a married FBI agent at that -- but she was beginning to see why. It started with Peter showing up at Neal's place when Alex was there. He teased her, that knowing smirk on his face. He knew why she had been there originally. And he knew why she kept coming back to Neal.

He started to show up more frequently, and he seemed to be running into her when she wasn't with Neal. He'd strike up a conversation with her. He was always a smart ass, sarcastic, but never cruel. He seemed more amused by her than irritated.

One night, it was Elizabeth who showed up unexpectedly. Like Neal, Alex had been somewhat surprised that Peter had ended up married to such a beautiful woman. Elizabeth was hard to dislike, and pretty soon Alex found herself agreeing to meet El for dinner.

It wasn't until Peter showed up that things finally clicked into place. "You're trying to woo me," she said with some surprise. Elizabeth leaned down to kiss her on the lips, leaving Alex breathless and shocked. "Why?"

"Why not?" Peter asked. He rested his hand on her arm and it seemed to burn through the fabric of her dress. "I won't hurt you," he said suddenly, his eyes and voice sincere. For some reason, Alex believed him.

That's how she found herself naked in the Burke's bed. Elizabeth was behind her, her full breasts brushing against Alex's back. She was holding her close, kissing and biting at her neck while her graceful fingers teased Alex's nipples to unbearable hardness.

Peter was undressing, his gaze lingering on the two women. Alex felt open and vulnerable. His face softened and he joined them on the bed, cupping her face with his rough fingers. "You don't have to," he said gently. "We can stop."

Elizabeth had stopped kissing her, and now her hold on Alex was more for comfort than for sex. They would stop, Alex realized. It startled her, and warmed her. She shook her head, and almost shyly, she pulled Peter down to kiss him.

He drew the kiss out, and now Alex had an even better idea of why Neal wasn't willing to give the Burkes up. Elizabeth twisted a nipple between her fingers and laughed when Alex squeaked. Peter gently broke off the kiss, and began to trail light kisses down her body.

Alex moaned and shifted restlessly as his teeth grazed the hollow of her throat. His tongue swept between her breasts, down her belly, his teeth lightly biting at her hip. Small puffs of air teased her thighs, and she felt his tongue teasing her thighs. When he buried his face between her legs she gasped and arched against Elizabeth.

His tongue flicked Alex's clit, and nipped at the sensitive nub while Elizabeth pinched and rolled her nipples between her fingers. Alex moaned and wiggled her hips. Peter's mouth found her slit and his tongue delved deeply into the soft folds. Every now and then his teeth scraped against the sensitive flesh, sending waves of heat up her belly. He didn't let up, didn't give her a chance to regroup as he changed the way his tongue moved inside her.

When her body tensed he eased up and he found her clit once again, sliding his tongue across it. Alex let out a strangled cry, and felt herself fall over the edge.
----

FYI, I am seeing a bunch of posts on lj from people saying that they cannot reply to comments, and one person on my Twitter feed was complaining about LJ issues as well, so it's possibly not just you. Whether these other people are trying to see and/or comment on porn, I can't say. ;)

Sacrilege
Peter/Neal
NC-17
Frotting, rain, nipples
900 words

He’d caught him. Finally caught him. Peter had Neal, literally, in his hands. And there was no one around to stop him from releasing the painful grip of his fingers and simply letting him go.

This was not a bust. Not orchestrated in any way. Peter was off hours. He’d gone to get a decaf at Lenny’s to clear his head. El was at a movie with friends. He’d gotten one of those pastries she’d warned him never to eat again, with all the delicious trans fats. A one-man boy’s night out.

And he was just walking home. It was dark, and it was raining, and Peter had brought no umbrella. It wasn’t long before he was soaked. It wasn’t long before he spotted Neal Caffrey, easy as pie, walking along the sidewalk.

Peter chased. No gun, no back-up. Just his legs and Neal’s, their feet slapping the pavement puddles. Neal took a wrong turn down an alley, back-tracked, jumped a guard rail and landed in a drainage canal rushing shallowly with rainwater.

Peter followed, his jeans heavy on his legs, lips cold. And he was close. He was so close. If Neal had not turned his head, their eyes meeting briefly, Peter may never have gotten close enough, though. But he did. His hands grabbed, and he had Neal thrown against the grey wall, the shadows of the overpass, just there, just out of reach.

And God help him, he wanted to let him go. Neal’s hot breath bathed Peter’s lips they were so close. And Peter flushed with guilt, remorse. To cage this beautiful a thing would be sacrilege. He was torn in two: ever-present badge against his ribs, Neal Caffrey, alive and hot against the wall and wet. The rain dripped off his chin. Peter had his stylish jacket in his fists. It hurt to have him so close. And without a word, with the double guilt of being a man of the law and a faithful husband, too, Peter closed the distance, pulling Neal’s hair to open his mouth, and kissed him.

His mouth was sugary sweet, lips chill but tongue warm, and he let Peter kiss him; he kissed Peter back, though his hands never moved to lift. Not to pull in. Not to push away. Peter could feel Neal’s excited erection growing through the thin, clinging slacks, against the crook of Peter’s denim-covered thigh and hip, like it fit there.

He had suspected. Just suspected. Nothing more. And now…

Neal opened and lifted his leg, wrapping it around Peter, licking his liar’s tongue deftly into Peter’s hungry mouth. “Peter,” he sighed, and that voice broke him, and Peter pulled Neal’s leg up, grinding wet body to wet body, the rain still coming, drowning them both, concealing them in grey slate while they rutted in a ditch together.

Peter yanked the suit jacket off Neal’s shoulders, pinning his arms in it, though now-desperate hands clawed at his jeans, wanting a cock. Peter broke the kiss, his body surging into Neal’s rhythmically, rubbing his trapped penis roughly first on Neal’s fumbling hands, and then when those fell away, on Neal’s soaked crotch, finding the right slide, finding Neal’s deep, pleading eyes.

The rain slipped down Neal’s cheeks like tears, and it plastered his white dress shirt to his chest and stomach. Peter saw the red little nipples standing out cold. But they looked wanton, like begging things. Peter pressed his thumbs down on them, hard, pushing and rubbing and chaffing on them while their hips worked wildly. Neal’s head dropped back on the wall, nipples thrust into Peter’s rough thumbs. Peter butted against him, pinching Neal’s nipples until his hands shook, and Neal shuddered violently, coming against him.

Peter stared at Neal’s bared neck, his tortured face, while Neal’s pelvis undulated on him and the stroke of Peter’s clothed dick teased the last of Neal’s cum from his.

cont...

Confused, Peter stood there hard and wanting. And suddenly, Neal’s hands were trying to free his cock again. Neal slid to his knees in the water, forcing Peter to take a step back. Neal’s eyes cast up to him, Peter’s fly already loose, Neal’s jacket hanging from his elbows.

“No,” he said, frowning, stepping back again. “No, Neal.” Even though his prick cried yes and leaked hot in his cold jeans.

“What do you want?” Neal asked, starting to shiver. Peter looked down at him, wet at his feet.

Then Peter backed away. He left Neal there on the ground, ready to suck his cock, and he shook his head, turning, and walking quickly away. He couldn’t look back. What he had done was wrong. What he was doing was wrong. But arresting Neal Caffrey after frotting him, wet, against a concrete wall in the dark… Would be the worst wrong of all.

Peter climbed the embankment, to get away, to get home, to get dry and warm and try to face himself in the mirror, in the morning, in the office, with his wife. He had told himself he wouldn’t look back, but the drive to chase and find Neal was too great and he succumbed. Neal was gone. In the place where they had been was an empty shadow. Peter’s cock still ached. His mouth ached from kissing him. Peter climbed back over the guard rail and began the long walk home.

Ooooh I love playful backyard NAKED NEAL and a hose sex!!!!

HOT...scorchingly hot. And a little angsty too.

Yummy

THANKS!!!! :-D :-D

UNFF.

Delicious!

Mmmmmm, lucky Alex!

!!!!!!!

Serious UNF.

DUDE, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS.

SO MUCH. LOVE. FOR THIS.

SDFJKDFJDKSFJSDKFJKLSF

THE BURKES HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE AND ALEX AND A FEW OF MY FAAAAVORITE KINK SDFJNDSJFNDJLFNDKS

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You are missing my porn!!!

Neal/Kate - Nipples

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Wet

Nipples, Cunnilingus, Peter/Alex/El

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Sacrilege, P/N, NC-17, 1, 2, 4, and a little 5

Re: Sacrilege, P/N, NC-17, 1, 2, 4, and a little 5

Re: Wet

Re: Sacrilege, P/N, NC-17, 1, 2, 4, and a little 5

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Re: Neal/Kate - Nipples

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Re: Nipples, Cunnilingus, Peter/Alex/El

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