HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN ROLL OVER IN THEIR GRAVE AT ONCE?

[gyzym]

So, first asimaiyat took William Carlos Williams and MADE HIS MOST FAMOUS POEM INTO A FABULOUS WHITE COLLAR FIC. And this filled me with such glee that I was forced to take an old classic, Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven, and, uh, twist it to my own dirty OT3 ways:

The Anklet
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I languished, weak and weary
'pon the bench of a cold prison cell I'd sought to leave before
There came the sound of papers, twisting through the air like rapiers,
Papers spelling out my freedom from these tick-marked walls of yore
"Shall I stay in here," I muttered, "left to rot just like before?"
Quoth Agent Peter: nevermore!

I stepped into sunlight blinding, already full of plots unwinding
ways to shake my obligation and turn to crime forevermore,
But old Peter, he was clever, he knew without some leash I'd never
shake my compulsion, aye, my tether to the thieving I adore
Thus he bound me, so whenever I 'ere too far beyond my door
Quote the anklet: nevermore!

To the sharp rule-bending chase to each as yet unsolved case
I turned to quench my boredom, and found it to be a cure
And it came to my attention (perhaps it does not bear to mention)
That my own captor's body I had now come to adore
And I wanted just to touch it, that rough body I adore
Only this, and nothing more.

But my fantasy was seasoned when at last I turned to reason;
He was married, curse the fates, to a love that came before.
And so I kept the safest distance, tried to play up my resistance
So I would not succumb to behavior of which he would deplore,
Yes, behavior of which even my OWN heart would deplore
(And it's made bad calls before)

Still--alas!--he came to trust me and one night on a case he brushed me
and I felt his warm erection tap upon my own back door
"Peter," said I, "can you?" and he looked at me, a man who
needed his wife's permission before we tried for something more
"Elizabeth," said Peter, "may we try for something more?"
Quote Elizabeth: for sure!

Now as I ponder, faintly mooning, pressed between my lovers spooning,
The tracker they removed today from upon my ankle sore
I remember faintly thinking that on the day that it stopped blinking
I'd run off to Tahiti, resume my crimes of long before
But leave this family that I've gathered, these people I adore?
Leave them for a life of thievery I surely would abhor?
Quote Neal Caffrey: nevermore.

---

NOW...

EVERYONE BLASPHEME A FAMOUS POEM IN THE COMMENTS. GO GO GO GO!

(Alternately: COMMENT WITH FAMOUS POEMS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE BLASPHEMED. THIS IS A MEME I CAN GET BEHIND, YO.)

Comments

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

and I felt his warm erection tap upon my own back door

Okay, that made me laugh out loud. This is genius, genius I tell you.

I will ponder some poems that need to be blasphemed...

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

The Lady of Shalott has a nice rhythm that might work.

Or, hmm. O Captain! My Captain! ;-)

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, this is hilarious. xD

I double-dog dare you to do something with a section of The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Or any Eliot, really, but that one is my favorite. xD

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

FSJSDNDJSNDSJKSD

*TRIES TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MESS WITH ELIOT*

[augustbird.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

:DDDDDDD

Shit...I'm writing poetry about my own fics now...

[elrhiarhodan]

I would love to play, but my brain
It turns not that way.

Write I mean to, short and happy
But long and angsty it finishes:

She dreams of three, being one and true
But find pain and sadness

He cries in the night, dreams of fire and ash
Wanting all, but having none

They sit in darkness, not talking
Until he talks and shouts in grief

She whispers, holding him against her breasts
Of true love that has a heart bigger than just two

Re: Shit...I'm writing poetry about my own fics now...

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 !!!!!!

[elrhiarhodan]

Can you do cummings, if just to have fun with, well, cumming?

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

since stealing was first
who pays no attention
to the subtext of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Neal is in the world

my wife approves,
and kisses are a far better fate
than prison
Caffrey i swear with all my glowers. Don't lie
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your fedora's flutter which says

we are for eachother: then
laugh, leaning back against those cuffs
for capture's but a paragraph

And trust i think has no parenthesis

[elrhiarhodan]

I was just thinking about Python, Monty - dead parrots and an albatross.

Is Coleridge too sacred?

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

NOTHING IS SACRED, APPARENTLY

(Except maybe for the Eliot I am still trying to figure out how to do that)

THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT CAPTURER (OH MY GOD COLERIDGE I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY)

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Fowler, Fowler, every where,
And though I tried to think;
With Fowler, Fowler, every where,
Neal was gone before I blinked.

My very soul did weep: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, that slimy thing had drawn him there
Though I loved him more than she

About, about! You still must doubt
That which I've said so long?
That her plane upon the tarmac there
'twere a bitter Siren's song.

I know that soon I will recall
the ash upon your face;
The ways in which the loss of her
would mar your easy grace

And every word you say for months
Will wither at the root;
You will not speak, and when you do
You'll still sound choked with soot

But now! O Neal! this evil deed
Has made you look so young
And guilt like that old Albatross
About my neck is hung.

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

This meme is awesomesauce and should be set loose upon fandom at large to wreak wholesale destruction happiness.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Dude, this should be like--EVERYONE SHOULD PLAY, IT IS SUCH FUN.

I couldn't do porn, but I could do Moz.

[iambickilometer.livejournal.com]

Do not go gentle to that FBI
Skilled crooks should rave and rage to go that way
Rage, rage against the man who chains you tight.

Though wise men have succumbed for easy life
Because their new jobs forked no millions they
Do not go gentle to that FBI.

Good men, whose boring lives go flashing by
all frail deeds will not their future sway
Rage, rage against against the men who chain them tight.

Wild men who caught the very sun in flight
and learned too late they'd left clues on the way
Do not go gentle to that FBI.

Grave men, near death, who sold out in the fight
see all too well the price they had to pay
Rage, rage against the men who chained them tight.

And you, my friend, now stand on that same height
Consider all the things I have to say
Do not go gentle to that FBI
Rage, rage against the man who chains you tight.


(to which Neal replied, "But Moz, the sex is better that way!")

Re: I couldn't do porn, but I could do Moz.

[bientot.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh LITERALLY out loud on the first line - and by the time I got to the end and Neal's reply - this is so swell!!! I'm sure Dylan Thomas would approve.

Re: I couldn't do porn, but I could do Moz.

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, I was totally going to suggest this one for gyzym -- glad you took it on!

Re: I couldn't do porn, but I could do Moz.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

dnfjdsfndjskfn.

kdfkdjfkdjfksdfjkdf.

OKAY, YOU ARE BRILLIANT THE END. WOW. WOW.

Not up to the standard of the previous, but I wanted to play along!

[bientot.livejournal.com]

(not exactly poetry, but to the tune of My Funny Valentine)

My Fibbie Valentine, sweet toppy Valentine,
You make me smile with my heart!
Your suits are laughable, unphotographable -
Still you're my favorite work of art.

Are your neckties less than chic?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak,
You're so smart!

Don't change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay, clever valentine, stay -
Each day is Valentine's day!

Re: Not up to the standard of the previous, but I wanted to play along!

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

♥! Love this!

[(Anonymous)]

Shall I compare thee to a prison day?
Thou art more freeing and more nice.
Rough men do make me shake and lay,
And prison’s lease, I cannot heist.
Sometime too sore within those walls,
And often is my tanned complexion dimmed;
And every skill I do possess declines,
But for me to go I leave my beard untrimmed.
But thy eternal glory shall not fade
For you shall catch me, cat and mouse;
Nor shall you leave me in that cell,
But you take me with you to your house.
So long as men can breathe, I’ll think to run,
So long as you live, I will stay done.

[fantabumundo.livejournal.com]

Doh! That was me, forgot to log in :P

[sage]

these are hilarious and wonderful. :D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Heeee, they are SO MUCH FUN.

[kiezh.livejournal.com]

*giggling helplessly*

You should do this always. :D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I WISH THAT I COULD :DDDD

[fantabumundo.livejournal.com]

I need a life :P

The Felon and Agent went to bed
In a beautiful city palace,
They took some lube, a really big tube,
So big, some would say ‘phallus’
The Agent looked down at his felon below,
And sang to a MP3,
‘O lovely Neal, O Neal my love,
What a beautiful crook you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful crook you are!’



Neal said to Peter, ‘You’re being sweeter,
Oh how I have trained you well!
O let me go con, it’s been too long:
But say I won’t go back to the cell.’
So Neal went away, for nearly a day,
To the place where art does hang,
And there in the hall, stood a Thomas Ball,
‘A statue,’ Neal thought with a pang,
A pang,
A pang,
‘Oh art’ Neal thought with a pang.



‘Dear Peter I’m willing to give up the thrilling
Con’ said Neal, ‘I will.’
So Neal continued to work, with his cute little smirk
To capture crooks for a thrill.
They had their affair, and were quite the pair,
The greatest the department had;
And hand in hand, in their palace, so grand,
They were in love and were quite glad,
Quite glad,
Quite glad,
They were in love and were quite glad.

[iambickilometer.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, IS THAT THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT?

YOU WIN FOREVER

[b-scholes.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! This is amazing! Where would you like your internetz delivered? I'm trying to find a line to quote without putting the whole thing in the comments box again, erm:

But old Peter, he was clever, he knew without some leash I'd never
shake my compulsion, aye, my tether to the thieving I adore
Thus he bound me, so whenever I 'ere too far beyond my door

And the part about Neal's heart making bad calls. And managing to work in Peter asking El's permission and spooning. Spooning!

:)