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oh, and i hope everyone who celebrates had a lovely seder :D
Welp, tonight's H50 sucked. Here to improve it are four ridiculous possible deleted scenes. Pick your poison!
One:
"So," says Steve, "if we ever have kids, what religion do you think we'll raise them to be?"
Danny doesn't spit out his beer, but it's a close thing. "What?" he says, and then, "I'm sorry, Steven, I am, I really am, but what? What is the matter with you, huh? You give a guy a couple blowjobs, a few good fucks, I'm not denying it, they were good, there are maybe even--don't make that face at me, McGarrett, there are maybe some feelings involved, one of two or four, okay, fine. But this? This is not the stage where you bring up the religion of our potential children, okay? Jeez."
"Hmmm," Steve says. "Yeah, probably not. Maybe I should cool it on the beer for a little while."
"Christ," Danny says, "you are a broken person, you know that?"
"Yeah," Steve says, and smiles, tilts his head contemplatively. "Hey, you don't think the residual aftereffects of this conversation will slip into everything we do, making us mention religious-type shit every ten minutes or so through the rest of our next case, do you?"
"Why would I think that?" says Danny.
"No reason," says Steve, "wanna bone?"
Two:
Struck with a particularly vicious case of insomnia, Danny runs out of decent hockey fight clips on Youtube and is, regrettably, forced to surf the site for other things instead. He ends up watching P.Diddy music videos, bleary eyed and unfocused, until Steve comes downstairs and drags him to bed. He's not sure if he manages to sleep because of the hours of mindless internet perusal or the truly spectacular sex, but he wakes up the next morning blinking and confused.
"I just had the weirdest dream," he says.
"Um," says Steve, looking oddly nervous, "what…happened in your dream?"
"I don't even," Danny says, waving a hand. "You drove through a gate--I mean, that part wasn't weird, that was just normal, and Kono climbed a tree, which, okay, makes me wonder if you're secretly training her for SEAL school or something and my subconscious is trying to tip me off so I can run, but, no. I think we were trying to save P.Diddy from evil? Only he had a gunshot wound but then he didn't anymore, I don't know, it was weird."
"So you didn't," Steve says, "oh, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here, stare into the deep abyss of mind control or anything, right? Not that there are secret military operations initiating human testing via the water supply. Because that would be ridiculous. Ahahahahahaha, yep, nope, that's totally not happening at all. Anywhere. Ever."
Danny stares at him. "You know," he says, "I like you a lot, Steve, I do, it's great, but sometimes you make me really fucking nervous, you know that?"
Three:
"This case was weird," Danny says, flopping down on the couch next to Steve. "Like, seriously, just--there was some shit about that that was not right, you get me?"
"Yeah," Steve says, "yeah, I really do. This whole week has been--"
"Yeah," Danny says. "Whatever, at least it's over now. What're you watching?"
"Nothing," Steve says, gesturing at the screen, "nothing's really on, I think this is a cooking show or something."
"Hmmm," Danny says, "'kay."
He settles in against Steve, because he's tired, okay, it's been a weird couple of days and he's comfortable, and lets his focus drift to the screen. Which, yeah, looks like a cooking show, no problem, he can fall asleep to that and that is what he wants to do, the sleeping thing sounds--
"Hey," Danny says, "hey, hey, wait a second. Steve, that guy waving at the pickles, is that--is that Wo Fat?"
Four:
"Kono," says Chin, "why are you shooting web out of your hands?"
"What radioactive spider?" says Kono, and goes about her day.
One:
"So," says Steve, "if we ever have kids, what religion do you think we'll raise them to be?"
Danny doesn't spit out his beer, but it's a close thing. "What?" he says, and then, "I'm sorry, Steven, I am, I really am, but what? What is the matter with you, huh? You give a guy a couple blowjobs, a few good fucks, I'm not denying it, they were good, there are maybe even--don't make that face at me, McGarrett, there are maybe some feelings involved, one of two or four, okay, fine. But this? This is not the stage where you bring up the religion of our potential children, okay? Jeez."
"Hmmm," Steve says. "Yeah, probably not. Maybe I should cool it on the beer for a little while."
"Christ," Danny says, "you are a broken person, you know that?"
"Yeah," Steve says, and smiles, tilts his head contemplatively. "Hey, you don't think the residual aftereffects of this conversation will slip into everything we do, making us mention religious-type shit every ten minutes or so through the rest of our next case, do you?"
"Why would I think that?" says Danny.
"No reason," says Steve, "wanna bone?"
Two:
Struck with a particularly vicious case of insomnia, Danny runs out of decent hockey fight clips on Youtube and is, regrettably, forced to surf the site for other things instead. He ends up watching P.Diddy music videos, bleary eyed and unfocused, until Steve comes downstairs and drags him to bed. He's not sure if he manages to sleep because of the hours of mindless internet perusal or the truly spectacular sex, but he wakes up the next morning blinking and confused.
"I just had the weirdest dream," he says.
"Um," says Steve, looking oddly nervous, "what…happened in your dream?"
"I don't even," Danny says, waving a hand. "You drove through a gate--I mean, that part wasn't weird, that was just normal, and Kono climbed a tree, which, okay, makes me wonder if you're secretly training her for SEAL school or something and my subconscious is trying to tip me off so I can run, but, no. I think we were trying to save P.Diddy from evil? Only he had a gunshot wound but then he didn't anymore, I don't know, it was weird."
"So you didn't," Steve says, "oh, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here, stare into the deep abyss of mind control or anything, right? Not that there are secret military operations initiating human testing via the water supply. Because that would be ridiculous. Ahahahahahaha, yep, nope, that's totally not happening at all. Anywhere. Ever."
Danny stares at him. "You know," he says, "I like you a lot, Steve, I do, it's great, but sometimes you make me really fucking nervous, you know that?"
Three:
"This case was weird," Danny says, flopping down on the couch next to Steve. "Like, seriously, just--there was some shit about that that was not right, you get me?"
"Yeah," Steve says, "yeah, I really do. This whole week has been--"
"Yeah," Danny says. "Whatever, at least it's over now. What're you watching?"
"Nothing," Steve says, gesturing at the screen, "nothing's really on, I think this is a cooking show or something."
"Hmmm," Danny says, "'kay."
He settles in against Steve, because he's tired, okay, it's been a weird couple of days and he's comfortable, and lets his focus drift to the screen. Which, yeah, looks like a cooking show, no problem, he can fall asleep to that and that is what he wants to do, the sleeping thing sounds--
"Hey," Danny says, "hey, hey, wait a second. Steve, that guy waving at the pickles, is that--is that Wo Fat?"
Four:
"Kono," says Chin, "why are you shooting web out of your hands?"
"What radioactive spider?" says Kono, and goes about her day.
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(I would comment on the fics properly if I had any idea what they were about, but even without context they sounded amusing.)
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(but I can not lie there was Steve in a wetsuit at the beginning so uh. points for that?)
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"Hmm. Kind of? Does an essential step-daughter count? I mean, I'm pretty much always there whenever her father gets to see her - custody problems, you know - and I've started redoing one of the rooms in my house for her, and she did teach me how to braid her hair last week, and one time this old lady at the supermarket thought that she was actually mine and Gracie didn't even correct her, so - oh, sorry, what was that about your dead wife?"
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But um. Yes. Today's episode. I just. *sigh* Can we just rewind and pretend that last week's episode was this week's episode and just be all 'splodey again? That was much more fun.
Or, you know. We can find the writer of 1x20 and demand they rewrite this episode. OR EVEN BETTER. LET'S REPLACE THE WRITERS WITH SOMEONE FROM FANDOM. YES? YES? I VOTE FOR YOU.
I mean, don't get me wrong. There were definitely some parts that deserve brownie points like Steve and his wet suit and the carguement and the Spidey-woman Kono! and the Steve channeling his Gracie's-Most-Awesome-Step-Steve!ness with Kevin and Danny/Kono bffness and Chin's cheekbones and (some of)Steve's witty one-liners, etc. etc.
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OMFG IRON CHEF. AHAHAHA MY NIGHT IS MADE.
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ALL THE HEARTS ALWAYS.
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three and four have always been canon, haven't they?
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also, kono climbed a palm tree with the power of her mind and a rock!
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What was it with all those references to God and Heaven and Hell, though? Where did that even come from?
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LOL.
I think I just choked.
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Like the shorts. Heh. Funny. :D
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Get of my lawwwwwwwn.
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And while reading the first one, I was suddenly like, "I wanna fic where Steve and Danny adopt a kid. NOW!" /o\ So...thanks for inspiring this desire? ;-)
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Can I pick all of them?
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I just spent a few minutes cleaning tea up that I snorted out of my nose, and couldn't stop laughing.
Seriously. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I NEEDED IT AFTER LAST NIGHT.
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Man gets shot in the fucking liver, he stays down. Period.
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ugh, continuity was shucked out the window this week.
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This makes that entire episode worth it. :D
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ahahahahahahahah oh my GOD (who, apparently, Steve McGarrett answers to? question mark?) i am DYING. IS THAT WO FAT? IS IT???? LOLLLLLLL
(seriously, though, this ep was abjectly terrible. except for the part where Kono climbed a tree and also whenever Steve and Danny spoke to each other, obviously. And Kamekona! soooooo, whenever they weren't focused on the case. oh, except when Steve was a Big Damn Hero and my ovaries exploded.)
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"wanna bone?" is amazing, because i frequently find myself asking the same thing *cough*
"So you didn't," Steve says, "oh, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here, stare into the deep abyss of mind control or anything, right? Not that there are secret military operations initiating human testing via the water supply. Because that would be ridiculous. Ahahahahahaha, yep, nope, that's totally not happening at all. Anywhere. Ever."
this? ^^^ yes.
KONO IS THE AMAZING SPIDERWOMAN AND OMG IM ADDING THAT TO MY HALLOWEEN MIGHTY MOUSE THING.
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...But I admit that this episode was occasionally pretty freaking ridiculous, and all of these deleted scenes definitely improve it, like, 110%.
♥
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Or, or, or...maybe we can just rewrite it like above only with a pg rating. *snicker*
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