gyzym: (Hnnnnnnng Kono)
[personal profile] gyzym
Welp, tonight's H50 sucked. Here to improve it are four ridiculous possible deleted scenes. Pick your poison!


"So," says Steve, "if we ever have kids, what religion do you think we'll raise them to be?"

Danny doesn't spit out his beer, but it's a close thing. "What?" he says, and then, "I'm sorry, Steven, I am, I really am, but what? What is the matter with you, huh? You give a guy a couple blowjobs, a few good fucks, I'm not denying it, they were good, there are maybe even--don't make that face at me, McGarrett, there are maybe some feelings involved, one of two or four, okay, fine. But this? This is not the stage where you bring up the religion of our potential children, okay? Jeez."

"Hmmm," Steve says. "Yeah, probably not. Maybe I should cool it on the beer for a little while."

"Christ," Danny says, "you are a broken person, you know that?"

"Yeah," Steve says, and smiles, tilts his head contemplatively. "Hey, you don't think the residual aftereffects of this conversation will slip into everything we do, making us mention religious-type shit every ten minutes or so through the rest of our next case, do you?"

"Why would I think that?" says Danny.

"No reason," says Steve, "wanna bone?"


Struck with a particularly vicious case of insomnia, Danny runs out of decent hockey fight clips on Youtube and is, regrettably, forced to surf the site for other things instead. He ends up watching P.Diddy music videos, bleary eyed and unfocused, until Steve comes downstairs and drags him to bed. He's not sure if he manages to sleep because of the hours of mindless internet perusal or the truly spectacular sex, but he wakes up the next morning blinking and confused.

"I just had the weirdest dream," he says.

"Um," says Steve, looking oddly nervous, "what…happened in your dream?"

"I don't even," Danny says, waving a hand. "You drove through a gate--I mean, that part wasn't weird, that was just normal, and Kono climbed a tree, which, okay, makes me wonder if you're secretly training her for SEAL school or something and my subconscious is trying to tip me off so I can run, but, no. I think we were trying to save P.Diddy from evil? Only he had a gunshot wound but then he didn't anymore, I don't know, it was weird."

"So you didn't," Steve says, "oh, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here, stare into the deep abyss of mind control or anything, right? Not that there are secret military operations initiating human testing via the water supply. Because that would be ridiculous. Ahahahahahaha, yep, nope, that's totally not happening at all. Anywhere. Ever."

Danny stares at him. "You know," he says, "I like you a lot, Steve, I do, it's great, but sometimes you make me really fucking nervous, you know that?"


"This case was weird," Danny says, flopping down on the couch next to Steve. "Like, seriously, just--there was some shit about that that was not right, you get me?"

"Yeah," Steve says, "yeah, I really do. This whole week has been--"

"Yeah," Danny says. "Whatever, at least it's over now. What're you watching?"

"Nothing," Steve says, gesturing at the screen, "nothing's really on, I think this is a cooking show or something."

"Hmmm," Danny says, "'kay."

He settles in against Steve, because he's tired, okay, it's been a weird couple of days and he's comfortable, and lets his focus drift to the screen. Which, yeah, looks like a cooking show, no problem, he can fall asleep to that and that is what he wants to do, the sleeping thing sounds--

"Hey," Danny says, "hey, hey, wait a second. Steve, that guy waving at the pickles, is that--is that Wo Fat?"


"Kono," says Chin, "why are you shooting web out of your hands?"

"What radioactive spider?" says Kono, and goes about her day.

Date: 2011-04-19 06:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
These are awesome with an extra helping of awesome on top!

Date: 2011-04-19 06:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
...This is the only appropriate response to this episode, I believe. Excellent work, madame.

Date: 2011-04-19 06:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Date: 2011-04-19 06:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I am going to let these scenes overwrite canon in my brain, if you don't mind. (Yes, lovely seder, hope the same for you. It was... more fun than the ep? Later this week I will be using your chicken soup recipe to prepare enough food for the rest of passover, so at least that's something happy.)

Date: 2011-04-19 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
...what on Earth happened in this episode that all of these things could explain it and be necessary to do so? I am actually tempted to go find it and watch, despite the fact that I would understand precisely none of it, just to find out.

(I would comment on the fics properly if I had any idea what they were about, but even without context they sounded amusing.)

Date: 2011-04-19 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
just... don't watch this episode. This one was baaaaaaaaaad. Like, God every five minutes, P. Diddy's poor acting, everybody really boring because the writing was so bad. Even Keith David could not salvage the forgettable generic mess that was this episode.

Date: 2011-04-20 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ugh. Every time Combs and David interacted it was painful to see the glaring differences in their talent.

Date: 2011-04-19 06:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ahahahahahahahaha AWESOME. I think all four of them are totally viable. and yeah. this episode was. yeah. there were moments. mostly involving Danny being snarky and wonderful but other than that? blergh. and the ending where Steve said P Puff Daddy Diddle Dirty Combs could come back made me yell at my tv and not in the good OH BOYS kind of way. more in the way Danny might yell. and made me question if I missed a scene where he suffered a SEVERE BLOW TO THE HEAD.

(but I can not lie there was Steve in a wetsuit at the beginning so uh. points for that?)

Date: 2011-04-19 06:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Really, really though, REALLY, Steven, you paused for several seconds too long when P. fucking Diddy asked if you had any kids.

"Hmm. Kind of? Does an essential step-daughter count? I mean, I'm pretty much always there whenever her father gets to see her - custody problems, you know - and I've started redoing one of the rooms in my house for her, and she did teach me how to braid her hair last week, and one time this old lady at the supermarket thought that she was actually mine and Gracie didn't even correct her, so - oh, sorry, what was that about your dead wife?"

Date: 2011-04-19 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Lol. Dead wives, man, always getting in the way of your EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.

Date: 2011-04-19 07:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
::dies happy::

Date: 2011-04-19 10:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That moment right there? I kept waiting for Steve to go, "Uh, sort of, yeah?" I should imagine most of the codas to this ep will spin around this moment! :D

Date: 2011-04-22 10:35 am (UTC)
ext_127: (hawaii five-0 steve is ridic)
From: [identity profile]
I knooooow. That was ridic. And awesome.

Date: 2011-04-19 06:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The mental image of a drunk Steve McGarrett saying "Wanna bone" is gonna stick with me for a while :D Hilarious, as all these little bits are hilarious and totally appropriate to the source material \o/

Date: 2011-04-19 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ohhhhhhhh so that's what was going on today. Pffft. Duh. XD

But um. Yes. Today's episode. I just. *sigh* Can we just rewind and pretend that last week's episode was this week's episode and just be all 'splodey again? That was much more fun.

Or, you know. We can find the writer of 1x20 and demand they rewrite this episode. OR EVEN BETTER. LET'S REPLACE THE WRITERS WITH SOMEONE FROM FANDOM. YES? YES? I VOTE FOR YOU.

I mean, don't get me wrong. There were definitely some parts that deserve brownie points like Steve and his wet suit and the carguement and the Spidey-woman Kono! and the Steve channeling his Gracie's-Most-Awesome-Step-Steve!ness with Kevin and Danny/Kono bffness and Chin's cheekbones and (some of)Steve's witty one-liners, etc. etc.

Date: 2011-04-19 07:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Date: 2011-04-19 07:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
this made me feel a lot better after that letdown of an episode :(

Date: 2011-04-19 07:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


Date: 2011-04-19 07:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
AHAHA! GENIUS. Can I pick all four? Somehow? If I had to choose, two would be my favorite. And four, but that's a given.

Date: 2011-04-19 07:43 am (UTC)
ext_88181: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
My poison would be the uber potent version of all four since they are awesome. Spiderwoman Kono and her alleged wild nights was probably my favorite part of the ep that I will probably completely forget about by tomorrow because it is that relevent to my interest in this show. (...and it's good that I will foget, because that is a hella long internal title for that ep. jeez.)


Date: 2011-04-19 08:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
two is canon now. and one is dream!canon!

three and four have always been canon, haven't they?

Date: 2011-04-19 08:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh gosh, what happened this episode? I'm all for spoilers, even if I'm only on ep.9. I'll probably end up skipping to watch the latest episode because this is killllling me.

Date: 2011-04-19 09:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
nothing really happened, which was the weird thing. it was just a really off episode. it was the p diddy episode, and will forever be remembered as such.

also, kono climbed a palm tree with the power of her mind and a rock!

Date: 2011-04-19 08:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
:D :D :D I have a feeling Kono might be turning into a Baby!SEAL. And it really all is McGarrett's fault.

What was it with all those references to God and Heaven and Hell, though? Where did that even come from?

Date: 2011-04-19 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


I think I just choked.

Date: 2011-04-19 10:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LMAOOOOO. This has replaced the actual episode in my head, Puff Diddly and all. EXCELLENT.

Date: 2011-04-19 10:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Date: 2011-04-19 10:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hahha You probably know what I"m going to say. But I liked this ep... mostly. I did notice, and I dunno if anybody else has said anything. But... but ... Steve read someone his rights!!! Danno must be making somewhat of an impact.

Like the shorts. Heh. Funny. :D

Date: 2011-04-19 10:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The only thing remotely redeeming about this ep is the epicness that is our Five-0 Team. And now this post.

Date: 2011-04-19 11:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Only pleasure from this episode was laughing at how ridiculous it was to have P Diddy or whatever his name is now on my screen.

Get of my lawwwwwwwn.

Date: 2011-04-19 12:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
THE FIRST ONE. It is accurate. Thanks so much for this! :)

Date: 2011-04-19 12:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

And while reading the first one, I was suddenly like, "I wanna fic where Steve and Danny adopt a kid. NOW!" /o\ So...thanks for inspiring this desire? ;-)

Date: 2011-04-19 12:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
aahahahahahahaahahaha, YES. I love the idea that IT'S ALL A DREAM. TAKE THAT SHOW. WE CAN MAKE EVERYTHING A TROPE.

Date: 2011-04-19 01:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Can I pick all of them?

Date: 2011-04-19 01:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, this is much better. You're right, there was much that was dream-logicy about this episode: people were bantering and it was funny, but then when you remember the actual words they're not funny at all; this side character dude was way more vivid than the actual plot; people were shot and then later they were not shot anymore; Kono climbs a tree with her thighs, which I don't know about you but that is a major feature in many of my dreams these days.

Date: 2011-04-19 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hah, love it! Wo Fat! ♥
Edited Date: 2011-04-19 02:17 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-04-19 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ROFL <3 <3 <3 so much XD

Date: 2011-04-19 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Date: 2011-04-19 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I just spent a few minutes cleaning tea up that I snorted out of my nose, and couldn't stop laughing.


Date: 2011-04-19 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah...between the anvils and the P Diddy show last night, I was just majorly MEH about it. I think I was nicer in my official review than I am on here.

Man gets shot in the fucking liver, he stays down. Period.

Date: 2011-04-19 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

ugh, continuity was shucked out the window this week.

Date: 2011-04-19 05:56 pm (UTC)
somehowunbroken: (5-0 Steve/Danny waist)
From: [personal profile] somehowunbroken
"Hey," Danny says, "hey, hey, wait a second. Steve, that guy waving at the pickles, is that--is that Wo Fat?"

This makes that entire episode worth it. :D

Date: 2011-04-19 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*dissolves into laughter*

ahahahahahahahah oh my GOD (who, apparently, Steve McGarrett answers to? question mark?) i am DYING. IS THAT WO FAT? IS IT???? LOLLLLLLL

(seriously, though, this ep was abjectly terrible. except for the part where Kono climbed a tree and also whenever Steve and Danny spoke to each other, obviously. And Kamekona! soooooo, whenever they weren't focused on the case. oh, except when Steve was a Big Damn Hero and my ovaries exploded.)

Date: 2011-04-19 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

"wanna bone?" is amazing, because i frequently find myself asking the same thing *cough*

"So you didn't," Steve says, "oh, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here, stare into the deep abyss of mind control or anything, right? Not that there are secret military operations initiating human testing via the water supply. Because that would be ridiculous. Ahahahahahaha, yep, nope, that's totally not happening at all. Anywhere. Ever."

this? ^^^ yes.


Date: 2011-04-19 09:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Okay, honestly? I didn't think that episode was any worse than they usually are. I mean, if I'm being frank, I thought that last week's episode, all epic lulz and massive gay aside, was pretty fucking terrible.

...But I admit that this episode was occasionally pretty freaking ridiculous, and all of these deleted scenes definitely improve it, like, 110%.

Date: 2011-04-19 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Okay, really....please, please, please people! Go post on forums and make the writers/producers/whatever understand how crappy this episode was. Please! I'm begging you. For some odd reason, the posters seem to think that this was an "awesome" episode, that FBI Chick would make an excellent girlfriend for Steve, and that P.Diddy far surpassed expectations for his acting skill.

Or, or, or...maybe we can just rewrite it like above only with a pg rating. *snicker*

Date: 2011-04-20 04:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ha ha your snippets just made the episode a lot better ! That was the most crappy one of the show so far.


gyzym: (Default)

July 2011

24252627 282930

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 05:32 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios