jesus i should not be allowed access to the "post" button

SO, SOME THINGS:

1. TSN RPS rec: Stay Awake When I'm Asleep, passe_simple, Andrew/Jesse, 36K. So, I am: not in this fandom, never going to be in this fandom, generally not even a fan of RPS (aside from robanybody's Scotty/Alex fics, which you should read if you haven't already, and which don't count, because I'm pretty sure robanybody is a member of the 5-0 cast and it's all real). And, actually, in this case I'm just going to go ahead and copy/paste the flailing review I wrote on my Delicious:

THIS IS THE BEST BABY!FIC EVER WRITTEN. NOTHING WILL EVER BE BETTER. I DON'T EVEN LIKE RPS. I DON'T EVEN LIKE *THE SOCIAL NETWORK*. Seriously this author, I will read anything she ever writes, I would read it if she wrote 500,000 words about paint drying, I WANT HER TO WRITE NOVELS AND NOVELS OF ORIGINAL FICTION SO I CAN BUY THEM ALL, OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.

...I mean. I liked it. A little. *cough*

2. H50 rec: You guys, dogeared just posted a ficlet that hits all my buttons. Seriously, I just--I mean, it's dogeared, so obviously the language is exquisite, but it's also the kind of thing you read and think wow, I feel good down to my toes, how did she manage to give me that in less than 500 words, what. Go forth. Be enriched. Trust me on this one.

2. A question: Okay. Guys. Um.

It's iam_space's fault, because she said a thing and then another thing and whatever, I'm working on a ridiculous cracked out Hawaii 5-0/Princess Bride AU, I don't want to talk about it. Except that I do, sort of, want to talk about it, because I'm going to have to do POV shifts to tell this story, IT IS THE ONLY WAY I HAVE NO CHOICE, and, uh, I don't. Do that. Ever. So I am thinking of breaking it up into chapters except that like...it's a ridiculous crackfic what the hell...and I am thinking of just using pagebreaks except HOW DO I DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN POV SHIFT PAGEBREAKS AND REGULAR PAGEBREAKS, THIS IS WHY I NEVER DO THIS.

So: a poll!


[Poll #1722233]

POLL OVER, THE END.

i need to figure out a late night story post icon

Fell asleep on my laptop with all my gdocs open watching South Park like a boss; woke up with this in my head. Reverse insomnia, what? I have got to stop doing this.

( someday this will be titled. maybe. )

to our waiter at dinner tonight: i apologize for this conversation again

Waiter: And our special tonight is a cut of wild boar, served with--
My Father: Wait, boar, like--what's his name, hangs out with the meerkat, tusks, with the song--
Me: You're thinking of Pumba.
Burro: What?
Burrito: Pumba, from the Lion King!
Burro: I thought he was an elephant.
My Mother: No, he was--an elephant? He was a boar, he was definitely a boar.
My Father: Right, so, are you serving Pumba? Is that what you're telling me?
Waiter: Uh, I don't think...it's specifically...Pumba...
My Father: Well, obviously, he is a cartoon character, don't be ridiculous.
Waiter ...
My Mother: I'm sorry about him.
Me: I think we're all sorry about him, really.
My Father: No, wait, you didn't answer my question, it's boar like Pumba, right?
Waiter: Uh. Yes?
My Father: Well, I can't eat that now that you've humanized it for me. I'd feel guilty. Do you have anything on the menu more Hakuna Matata friendly?
Waiter: I...recommend the trout?
Me: Seriously, we're really sorry, he's just like this.
My Father: Hey, but I bet I'm the first person to ask that question tonight, right?
Waiter: The first ever, sir. Rest assured.

ETA, via phonecall after false_alexis's comment:

Me: Dude, Pumba's a warthog.
My Father: SHIT, I WOULD HAVE ORDERED THE BOAR