gyzym | COME TAKE MY INTERNET AWAY I AM USING IT FOR EVIL AGAIN

So, my day has improved significantly for two reasons. The first is that there is some truth to the old adage "Someone has it worse than you," and today there is a face to couple with that saying. Somewhere out there, somewhere in the word, someone has it worse than me, and his name is ~~Jed Bartlett~~ Martin Sheen. Seriously, how much do you think Martin Sheen regrets getting out of bed this morning? I'm gonna go ahead and bet it's a lot.

SECONDLY,

hermette and I had a conversation based on a conversation I had with

andrealyn that has ~~sadly been lost to the annals of my email~~ IS IN THE COMMENTS,

andrealyn IS MY SAVIOR HOORAY. My point is, most of the ideas I put forth here can be credited directly to

andrealyn;

hermette's genius is, of course, all her own.

gyzym:
I had a random conversation with

andrealyn the other day that somehow worked around to STEVE AND DANNY TRANSFORMED INTO DUCKLINGS, and if you would like to improve your day, I suggest you picture that. Danny's feathers puffed up off his head like his ridiculous hair! Steve trying to shield Danny with his tiny duckling wing! Kono laughing for the rest of forever while Danny climbs up to sit on Chin's head to escape Steve, and Chin sighs and thinks longingly of his days at the precinct, where things like this didn't happen to him.

ALSO DANNY WAVES HIS WINGS AROUND EVERYWHERE WHEN HE TALKS/QUACKS okay I swear to god I'll shut up now, just, tiny duckling Danny and Steve, I cannot help myself

hermette:
Why can't I DRAW? Oh my god, I would pay so many internet dollars for that. THINK OF THE RUFFLED FEATHERS AND THE INDIGNANT TAIL SHAKE

gyzym:
Also, oh my god, Danny spends the whole night panicked that Chin and Kono won't realize what's happened when they find ducklings locked in Steve's office, and then is equal parts relieved and disheartened when they figure it out in four seconds.

Kono's like, "Chin, I think Danny and Steve have been turned into ducks."

Chin's like, "How can you be sure?"

Kono's like, "Look at that one's hair."

And then Steve laughs like a hyena, only it comes out as quacking, and he tumbles over on the desk quack-laughing, and Kono and Chin are like, hey, yup, that one is TOTALLY STEVE.

….BY HAIR I OBVIOUSLY MEANT FEATHERS

hermette:
And Chin brought malasadas, so he gives them one to share while they try to figure out what's going on and Danny like, draws a line down the center of it with his beak QUACK QUACK STEVE STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE DOUGHNUT.

gyzym:
AND STEVE IS LIKE, QUACK QUACK, WE'RE DUCKS, DANNY, THIS ISN'T WHAT WE SHOULD BE EATING, AND DANNY IS LIKE, YOU CANNOT REALLY BE GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT THE KIND OF FOOD I LIKE WHILE I AM TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A BABY ANIMAL, STEVEN, TELL ME THAT'S NOT HAPPENING

hermette:
AND THEN A CALL COMES IN AND KONO IS LIKE SHIT, CHIN, WE HAVE TO GO AND STEVE STARTS QUACKING INDIGNANTLY, AND DANNY IS LIKE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO, HUH? YOU CAN'T HOLD A GUN, ASSHOLE. YOU HAVEN'T GOT FINGERS.

gyzym:
AND STEVE IS LIKE, I CAN BITE THEM! I CAN BITE THEM!

AND DANNY IS LIKE, OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STEVE, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TEETH EITHER, AND ALSO, WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, MONTY PYTHON?

AND STEVE PLOPS DOWN ON HIS LITTLE FEATHERY BUTT AND IS LIKE, I HATE BEING A DUCKLING, AND HE SEEMS SO DOWN THAT DANNY TOTALLY TRIES TO SURREPTITIOUSLY MAKE HIM A DUCKLING OBSTACLE COURSE OUT OF PENCILS AND FILE FOLDERS TO KEEP HIM FROM POUTING

hermette:
;skdfj I WAS ABOUT TO MAKE A MONTY PYTHON JOKE YOU JUST BEAT ME TO IT.

AND THEN DANNY IS TRYING TO MOVE THE MOUSE OUT OF THE WAY WHEN HE TRIPS AND HURTS HIS WEBBED FOOT ON THE STAPLER REMOVER AND THEN THERE IS SOME DUCKING H/C. LIKE MAYBE STEVE IS INSPECTING THE CUT AND TRYING TO HOLD A NAPKIN TO IT WITH HIS WING, AND HE GOES, HEY. HEY DANNO. I BET YOU'D SWIM NOW, WOULDN'T YOU? AND DANNY IS LIKE, I SWEAR TO GOD, STEVEN.

gyzym:
‪STEVE TOTALLY DOES LIKE‬
TRY TO MAKESHIFT HEAL DANNY'S FOOT
WITH A NAPKIN
‪and danny is like, STEVEN, JUST WAIT FOR CHIN AND KONO TO COME BACK‬
and steve is like YOU COULD BLEED OUT BY THEN. CAN DUCKS BLEED OUT? WHY DON'T I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT VETERINARY MEDICINE

hermette:
‪ksdjfl;kjsdf‬

gyzym:
‪and danny is like, i am not going to be felled by a staple remover, mcgarrett, i have dignity‬
and then he quacks because he cannot help himself
and steve somehow manages to smirk with a bill

hermette:
and Danny is like fuck my fucking life forever

gyzym:
‪you cannot be a SMUG DUCKLING, STEVE‬

hermette:
‪and steve is like, HIDE AND WATCH ME, BUDDY. HIDE AND WATCH ME.‬

gyzym:
‪kjfdsfdsk‬

hermette:
‪and then he throws his wings out to the sides and yells "I'M THE QUACK OF THE WORLD"‬

gyzym:
‪OH MY FUCKING GOD‬

hermette:
‪and Danny thinks about throwing himself off the desk‬
‪but really, he loves it when Steve makes a fool of himself to cheer Danny up‬

gyzym:
F‪DSKFHSDJFH BUT THEN STEVE TOTALLY LOSES HIS BALANCE AND FAILS‬
‪FLAILS*‬
and when steve flails
his wings flap
and he gets a little air
and when chin and kono get back
danny and steve
are having a FLYING COMPETITION

hermette:
‪THROWING THEMSELVES OFF THE DESK‬
ONTO A PILE OF NAPKINS

gyzym:
‪AND SEEING WHO STAYS UP THE LONGEST DJFHDSJKFDS‬

hermette:
‪skl;djf;kljsdf‬

gyzym:
d‪jfhdsjfhds chin laughs himself sick‬
and kono sighs and gets a longboard from steve's fridge
and pours it into a dish
and is like, please drink so you will stop that
PLEASE, GUYS
HOW WILL I EVER THINK OF YOU AS BOSSES AGAIN OH GOD

hermette:
‪and really, climbing up onto the desk is hard work‬
so they stop for some beer
because they're THIRSTY
NOT BECAUSE KONO SAID SO
SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF THEM

gyzym:
‪TOTALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE THIRSTY‬
only then steve wants to swim
like, a lot
like, more than always
and danny is like, your fixation with water is not cute, steven
and steve is like, NAVY SEAL
and danny is like, NAVY DUCK
and then realizes he's maybe a little drunk

hermette:
‪lsdkfhjj;kjs!!!!!‬

gyzym:
‪and anyway steve cannot express himself outside of the quacking, which chin and kono do not understand because they are NOT DUCKS, so he finally sighs‬
and is like, OKAY, GOTTA MAN UP
and jumps into the beer
and kono is like, STEVE
and chin is like, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHHA OH GOD IT'S TOO FUNNY I MAY DIE OH GOD
and danny is like, STEVEN, I WAS DRINKING THAT

hermette:
‪ahahaha ME TOO CHIN‬

gyzym:
‪so then they fill the bathroom sink with water and drop danny and steve in there‬
no, wait, check that
they take them to THE BEACH
because: ducklings on the beach, jfdskfhdsj
and steve runs into the water and danny is like
BUT DUCKS ARE FRESHWATER ANIMALS
I THINK I WILL STAY OUT HERE
and so steve has to drag him in, and they are both totally kind of drunk from the beer
‪‪and anyway, it's totally because they're drunk that they end up on the sand ten minutes later, exhausted, danny's head tucked under steve's wing‬

hermette:
‪Oh my god I want this whole thing in my life‬

IGNORE THE PIANO AND LOOK AT THESE DUCKLINGS. THESE DUCKLINGS ARE THE DUCKLINGS THAT COULD BE DANNY AND STEVE:

IN CONCLUSION: FANDOM. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. YOU KNOW YOU DO.

ETA: OKAY, LJ IS BEING A DICK AND NOT SENDING COMMENT NOTIFS WHAT THE HELL *FRANTICALLY REFRESHES POST*

ALSO

ALSO

QUACK 'EM DANNO

ETA SOME MORE: HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS aredblush DREW DUCKLING DANNY & STEVE IN THE COMMENTS DSJFDSFHDSJFDS