to our waiter at dinner tonight: i apologize for this conversation again

[gyzym]

Waiter: And our special tonight is a cut of wild boar, served with--
My Father: Wait, boar, like--what's his name, hangs out with the meerkat, tusks, with the song--
Me: You're thinking of Pumba.
Burro: What?
Burrito: Pumba, from the Lion King!
Burro: I thought he was an elephant.
My Mother: No, he was--an elephant? He was a boar, he was definitely a boar.
My Father: Right, so, are you serving Pumba? Is that what you're telling me?
Waiter: Uh, I don't think...it's specifically...Pumba...
My Father: Well, obviously, he is a cartoon character, don't be ridiculous.
Waiter ...
My Mother: I'm sorry about him.
Me: I think we're all sorry about him, really.
My Father: No, wait, you didn't answer my question, it's boar like Pumba, right?
Waiter: Uh. Yes?
My Father: Well, I can't eat that now that you've humanized it for me. I'd feel guilty. Do you have anything on the menu more Hakuna Matata friendly?
Waiter: I...recommend the trout?
Me: Seriously, we're really sorry, he's just like this.
My Father: Hey, but I bet I'm the first person to ask that question tonight, right?
Waiter: The first ever, sir. Rest assured.

ETA, via phonecall after false_alexis's comment:

Me: Dude, Pumba's a warthog.
My Father: SHIT, I WOULD HAVE ORDERED THE BOAR

Comments

[knowmydark.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, oh God. Your family. ♥

[iseame.livejournal.com]

LMAO OMG YOUR WHOLE FAMILY JUST MADE MY NIGHT. THANK YOU.

[false-alexis.livejournal.com]

WARTHOG. Pumba is a WARTHOG.

(I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm supposed to take from this. Sorry. Also your family is hilarious and frighteningly similar to mine.)

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I CAN'T TAKE THEM ANYWHERE

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

MY DAD SUNG HAKUNA MATATA EVERY TIME THE WAITER WALKED BY FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT DJFSDHFSDF

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Was Burro mixing The Lion King with Tarzan? <--- only thought of this because Tarzan is on tv right now.

SPEAKING OF FAMILIES.

Okay, I am very sad that my phone cannot, will not, DOES NOT let me get pictures from it to the internet. it is just-- not possible. BECAUSE I HAVE THE GREATIES MOST CLASSIEST PICTURE EVER WHICH EXPLAINS MY FAMILY.

So, my family made a store run last night, mostly for ice cream since it was Grey's Anatomy night. For this reason, my dad tagged along to get a beer. A beer. Beer singular. As in a can, a bottle, whatever. ONE BEER. He comes up to us on the ice cream aisle --where my mother is squinting at various small containers at ice cream trying to figure out which one has less calories because she does not understand the concept of ice cream anymore -- and he is holding what has to be the largest beer can I have ever seen. Because, while it is beer in a container that is can shaped, it is in fact a keg. A mini keg-can of beer. Seriously. This is in our fridge right now, right in front of three wine bottles. My family = the classiest.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

dshgsdjghsjdk OH MY GOD AHAHAHAH THAT JUST MAKES IT BETTER.

I am calling him and telling him that right now. RIGHT NOW.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

gjdshgdsgjdshgjdk SO CLASSY :D :D :D :D

[wheres-walnut.livejournal.com]

DYING. YOUR FAMILY. YES.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I DON'T EVEN. NUTTTTTT HOW ARE THEY REAL PEOPLEEEEEE

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

I made the mistake of looking for something in the pantry once when a new friend was over and her eyes almost popped out of her head because the entire top self is just-- wine. all the wine. The wine racks of wine. To go along with the larger wine rack on the coffee table and then the wine in the fridge. it was all awkward laughter and promises that no one in my family actually drinks that much my parents just joined a wine club. Really. that's. Okay, well then there's the cases of beer and the mini keg-- why don't we just go-- somewhere where we look less like alcoholics. *headdesk*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

dfsdjfh when they were renovating the house we moved into when I started high school, my parents had a wine rack put in next to the microwave and above the stove, filled it wine, and THEN realized that THE HEAT WOULD RUIN THE WINE.

And then, instead of moving it, they just left it like that. Those wine bottles are still there. God help anyone who tries to open one without knowing better.

[sour-idealist.livejournal.com]

askasfj YOUR FAMILY, THEY ARE THE GREATEST.

[rest of my family glares at me]

SECOND GREATEST.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I AM PRETTY FOND OF THEM, NGL :D

[sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com]

Did you see Outsourced last night? Because there was a scene where someone impersonated two warthogs having sex - vocally. the impression, I mean, not the sex - and I laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughed. I feel this information could be useful to you at future dinners :D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I did not see that, and now I am afraid to, because I feel like even the knowledge of that existing could somehow lead to a situation where my father imitates warthog sex in public. The man has no shame--when I was a teenager and not yet entirely desensitized to embarrassment, he used to take me with him to the grocery store, hop on the back of the cart, race it down the aisles hooting and hollering, and then point at me and cry "HELLO, YES, YOU, THE LITTLE BLONDE HAIRED ONE WHO IS MY DAUGHTER, YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER, LET IT BE KNOWN TO EVERYONE WHO JUST SAW THAT, THE BLONDE GIRL PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW ME BY THE SALAD DRESSING IS IN FACT MY FIRSTBORN." :D

[kleat.livejournal.com]

LOL. I love your family! It kind of makes me nostalgic of mine... Uhm, though I'm still pretty glad I live an entire ocean away because sometimes... well, ya know, family :p

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I do indeed know! I could never live an ocean away from these guys, though--I am so used to them, man, when they're not around my life is upsettingly normal :D

[winter-rogue.livejournal.com]

rofl forever

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

:D

[iseame.livejournal.com]

LKAJFLKJDKFHA HE IS OFFICIALLY MY HERO. WHO WAS HE? SIMBA, PUMBA, OR TIMON?!

*__________*

[dysonrules.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I know you have no idea who I am, but OMG your family dialogs are freaking KILLING ME WITH LOLS.

BEST FAMILY EVER.

*gasps for air*

I thought mine was awesome, but you totally win. *gives you a medal*

[(Anonymous)]

I just wanted to say I was having a terrible night and this post actually caused me to laugh myself happy again.
Thank you for documenting your family's continuing shenanigans. They're fantastic.

=]

[sour-idealist.livejournal.com]

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY. :D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

dfhsdfhsdjfsk YOU ARE GIVING HIM TOO MUCH CREDIT. He only knows one part of that song, and that is the part where they sing "It's a problem free philosophyyyyyyyyyyy, Hakuna Matata!" He just sang that over and over.

In falsetto.