cannot write fic until i have told this story:

[gyzym]

Ahahahahahaha, work, how so surreal?

Okay, so, the thing is, my job is essentially Do All Of That Shit No One Else Has Time To Do. This sounds less hectic then it actually is, until I explain that our firm has offices all over the country and our marketing department consists of three people. I am included in that count. As such, the tasks I get assigned vary wildly in tedium level and difficult, and some of them are ridiculously awesome, and some of them suck a lot, because that is the nature of having this kind of job.

TODAY, one of the things on my to-do list involved distributing some materials to like forty different attorneys, so before I left for lunch, I popped over to the mail room to procure some inter-office envelopes. I am pretty tight with most of the people who work in my office, because I have this policy about, um, general kindness, and a number of the people I work with do not have this policy, so I am pretty well-liked as a result. However, there is one woman who works in the mail room who either really, really hates me or...well, no. I'm pretty sure she just really, really hates me, and I cannot figure out why, but such is life! Generally I do not let it get me down.

However, when she is the only person in the mail room, things can get...a little odd.

Me: Hey, can I swing back behind the counter and grab--
Angry Coworker: No. Only mail room personnel can come behind the counter.

NB: this is not true; I have been behind the counter many a time! Several of those times I was allowed back there by the director of the mail room. However, I pressed on.

Me: Okay then! Sorry, I just need like forty inter-office envelopes, and I didn't want to make you get--
Angry Coworker: You need HOW many inter-office envelopes?
Me: Um. Forty? I know it's a lot, and I didn't want to be obnoxious--
Angry Coworker: Too late.

Okay. Guys, at this point, I am annoyed. However, a) lots of things annoy me and I have learned to pick my battles, and b) I spent a number of years working several jobs in the customer service industry, and have as such developed the default response of you're-pissed-off-so-smile-harder-instead-of-committing-murder while in the workplace. I smile harder. I smile so hard it hurts.

Me: I'm really sorry! I'd be happy to just grab them myself--
Angry Coworker: Well, why didn't you offer to do that to begin with?
Me: I...but I...that's what I...
Angry Coworker: Not that it would have mattered, since you can't go behind the desk, but you could have at least offered.
Me: ....
Angry Coworker: Whatever. It'll take about forty-five minutes, you're just going to have to wait. I'm really busy.

Please note: I can SEE THE STACK OF ENVELOPES. THEY ARE WITHIN MY REACH. And she is busy, by the way, reading an Us Weekly magazine. But I swallow my irritation because I am a professional and I do not scream at people for being irrational and I certainly do not throw myself across counters and run off with a handful of envelopes, cackling madly.

Even when I really, really want to.

Me: Okay! That's fine. I'm going to go to lunch, then.
Angry Coworker: Well, fine. Forty, you said?
Me: Yeah, if you've got them. Thanks!
Angry Coworker: Whatever.

I go to lunch. I eat a delicious sandwich and try not to think about the fact that getting envelopes is apparently a trial now. And when I get back, the envelopes are at my desk.

Correction: the envelopes are all over my desk.

I count them. She's brought two hundred.

Alright, I think to myself, alright, whatever, at least they are here. I do what I need to do with the forty envelopes I had originally sought, explaining to a friend of mine who works in the mail room what happened while I work. He laughs hysterically (Angry Coworker is like this with everyone, it's not just me, her continued employment is an ongoing mystery), and helps me return the one hundred and sixty extra envelopes to their rightful spot. When we get to the mail room--and keep in mind that my arms are full of envelopes--Angry Coworker gives me a very unimpressed look.

Angry Coworker: What, do you need more?

GUYS. YOU GUYS. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE??????

ETA: Oh, also, because I said it in the comments somewhere the other day but then, uh, failed to mention it here: if you like, y'all can feel free to follow me on Twitter. I mention this NOT to be one of those people who is all AHAHAHAHA I NEEDZ FOLLOWERS YO but because I have this tendency to...um...mention that I'm going to try to finish a fic and then I get people going HEY I AM F5ING OVER HERE and sometimes things take longer than I mean them to and, uh. I thought a twitter account might be easier? Since, you know, people update their twitter feeds anyway and, uh. *Hands*

I make no promises about the content and actually mostly I use it as yet another medium through which to flail at angelgazing BUT I AM GOING TO USE IT TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW WHEN I POST FIC and, uh. Okay. Shutting up now?

Comments

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

I THINK IT IS 97% LIKELY THAT THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO CARRY OUT AN OFFICE SHOOTING.

I WORRY FOR YOU, BB.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH FEAR I HAVE ABOUT THAT VERY POSSIBILITY.

And I mean like, augh, I know that she is probably upset about other things in her life and I feel bad and I really genuinely do want to like her but SHE IS DJFDSJKFHDSJF SHE IS JUST EVIL, POSTCORD, I CANNOT EVEN.

[foxxcub.livejournal.com]

HOW IS YOUR JOB AN EPISODE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT?

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

BECAUSE MY WHOLE LIFE IS AN EPISODE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, EXCEPT WHEN IT'S AN EPISODE OF CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. LIKE, REALLY. THAT IS THE BEST WAY TO SUMMARIZE MY EXISTENCE.

[la-sikka.livejournal.com]

shades of quincy!

[i-m-pk.livejournal.com]

OMG, your icon, it makes me lauuuuuuuuuugh.

Adult Swim was my life for like, years.

[cherrybina.livejournal.com]

I certainly do not throw myself across counters and run off with a handful of envelopes, cackling madly.

I ADMIRE YOUR RESTRAINT BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AWESOME STORY.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I seriously, I thought about it SO HARD, I WAS SO CLOSE, I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN.

[moleskinned.livejournal.com]

DOT. DOT. DOT. oh, wow, jizzy, i don't know what to say that isn't a variant of "KILL, KILL, KILL."

so accept hugs and sympathy instead. :D

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

PEOPLE ARE SO CRAZY I CANNOT EVEN. I CANNOT EVEN.

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

Today, on my day off, I fielded one work phone call (at home)... from someone wanting to know who to contact about plots in a local cemetery. Which is not something I actually know.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

You should have come by my office this afternoon I HAD PLENTY TO SPARE

I do not know what you are talking about, that should obviously be common knowledge. HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW???

[eaconwell.livejournal.com]

lmao, oh my goodness XD i am so sorry. you're a saint though. i would have snapped, or atleast been frosty

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

LMFAO, I am not a saint I swear to god. I just, you know, I try to remember that some things are worth it and some things areeee notttttt wortthhhhhh itttttt, and this definitely fell into the latter category for me :D

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

I...am laughing really hard, but that sounds like massive amounts of suckage.

Though, to share a work story, I had my first day on Sunday, the morning shift at the campus dinning center. Well, they forgot to mention that all the normal doors are locked in the morning (of course, it's 10am, so idk why. people do like to eat on sundays too) and that I'd have to use the back entracance...that I was never shown. So i call my sister (because she worked there for years) and she directs me in. I'm late, but it's not my fault, and no one really cares. Then, turns out, the double booked the shift, so we have too many people for the job, so it's just an awkward shuffling thing that we eventually make work, but still. Despite this double-booking, I was still somehow the only cashier when floods of people would come in and then I'd have to guess what certain food items count for because OH YEAH, no one's really showed me the machine menu and what goes with what button. NO BIG.

But people were amused? I apparently have this knee-jerk reaction of smiling and entertaining people until i can figure out/ fix whatever problems I'm having. Like the milk cartons not scanning. I move them around in a little jig in my attempts. this is apparently the best thing people have seen all day, given their laughter.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

LAUGH, BY ALL MEANS LAUGH, I TELL YOU SO YOU MIGHT LAUGH, FOR IT IS HILARIOUS FOR ALL IT WAS IRRITATING.

Dude. Good luck good luck good luck with that job. Things I have learned: people are THE MOST CRAZY when it comes to their food. The MOST crazy.

[ohmyghost.livejournal.com]

THIS IS IS AN "OH SNAP" MOMENT FROM THE ANGRY COWORKER FOR SURE!

Although TO BE FAIR I'm sure that part of her job is keeping updated with current gossip, right? So she has to keep reading her mags. IT'S JUST INTEGRAL IS ALL.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

OBVIOUSLY US WEEKLY WAS DEEPLY IMPORTANT TO THE CONTINUATION OF HER DAYYYYYY

[butterflythread.livejournal.com]

I WILL F5 ANYWAY. D:< DO NOT DENY ME THE ANTICIPATION AND PROCRASTINATION THAT IS F5ING LIKE A CRAZY MOFO.

Also wtf your coworker omg. :/

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

LMFAO, F5 IF YOU WISH TO! I JUST DON'T WANT ANYONE TO FEEL OBLIGATED TO F5, FRANKLY THE FACT THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DO F5 STILL FILLS ME WITH TOTALLY SHOCKED GLEE.

Right? Right?? How crazy is that?

[laria-gwyn.livejournal.com]

I have a coworker like that and it's always a trial dealing with her. The last time we interacted, she sent a request to my team, I filled out all the forms she needed (she was supposed to fill them out herself but I knew she wouldn't for reasons that will shortly become clear) and told her she needed to send an email to the customer for auditing purposes before I authorized sending a replacement. Because our company doesn't send free stuff to someone who says their package is lost without also sending them a legal document saying if your lost stuff shows up, you need to send it back since we sent you a replacement. Apparently this did not make sense to her because she immediately IMed me and started yelling about how she didn't understand why she had to send the legal document when she already verbally told the customer their package was lost. I explained the auditing thing (which I had already explained in the email). She then started yelling about how I was making her do double work, that the auditing thing was just an excuse. Because sending a form letter email is HARD WORK, YO. She went on and on for more than 30 minutes and I had to get my manager to get her to back off. I decided after that incident that it was ok not to like her. :p

[laria-gwyn.livejournal.com]

That was super long and ridiculous. I condense. It's ok not to like them when they refuse to accept kindness. I tried to do her a favor and she still bit my head off. C'est la vie.

[la-sikka.livejournal.com]

it's not just that what is happening is funny and terrible so much as the way youre telling it

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

My response to being IRRITATED AS SHIT is always to go for the funny :D

[dremiel.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry to report that this made me laugh like a crazy thing. Yes, I laughed at your pain, I am so sorry.

Also, I feel I did not warn you sufficiently about my twitter feed being" mundane...mundane...mundane...fifteen tweets about a recipe...pic of Sam's lunch...mundane...mundane...Fannish squee...mundane...forty seven tweets about how my teenage son is spending way too much time in our only bathroom OMG and I know he is wanking in there and is it okay if I ask him to just wank in his room BECAUSE I HAVE TO PEE or is that going to scar him for life and then he'll spend ten years in therapy talking about it and honestly we talk about sex and stuff and he knows I don't care if he is rubbing one out - that is FINE but please GOD don't do it in our only bathroom or at least hurry things along if it's going to be that way and YES my husband could probably talk to him but he's out of town and I need the bathroom sometime TONIGHT... So you can see why it's locked and why I'll understand if you bail.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Dude, no, no, DEFINITELY LAUGH, IT WAS LOLWORTHY.

Also, lmfao, do not apologize, you are totally fine, I DO NOT MIND, I LIKE YOUR TWEETS, ALL IS FINE :D Also it's not like my content is any better, really. HELLO PLEASE TO BE MAGICALLY MAKING BAGELS APPEAR and then, you know, 15 different rambling nonsensical conversations with angelgazing, I AM NOT EXCITING.

[sexifulness.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to laugh at your life but...yeah, I'm totally laughing at your life.


Ha, this is probably not the best way to introduce myself to someone I recently friended but honestly, high school isn't as exciting as your job rn. My name is Caitlyn, I'm almost 17 and I live in Philadelphia. *waves*

[waterbaby12us.livejournal.com]

....wow, someone needs to get laid? XD (And I'm referring to the angry coworker, lol) Now I'm kind of glad my job only requires me to deal with students.... when they become too stupid, I just pass them along >.>;;

[puckling.livejournal.com]

Angry Coworker: What, do you need more?

/o\ Some people, seriously.

[popcorn-orgasms.livejournal.com]

Omg...crazy coworker is crazy. So crazy hat. That is utterly lol-tastic. I don't know if I would have been able to restrain myself from going behind the counter or writing an official complaint. What is wrong with her? That's some bad mojo in her life.

[ladyfalcon.livejournal.com]

Lol forever, I need to follow you just so I can hear more work/war stories. You do know how to spin a yarn!

[ohfreckle.livejournal.com]

Do we work at the same office?
Just today I was told by The Boss's Bitch that interoffice envelopes cost money, and didn't get a single one. Umm, I didn't want them for lunch...
So in that regard, YOU WERE VICTORIOUS *g*

[mothergoddamn.livejournal.com]

GOD! I love your office stories. That Inception one from the other day has been cracking me up for a week.

Like the Madonna song "Now I'm following you. But, you know, less shit.

[xrainbowcloud.livejournal.com]

I certainly do not throw myself across counters and run off with a handful of envelopes, cackling madly. XD

THIS? IS WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE. You have restraint to be proud of! What a bitch. The woman, not you. Clearly she likes power and thinks she has more than she actually does or something. Maybe she hates you most because she's jealous of how awesome you are. I don't know how you didn't explode, seriously, just reading about it made me want to slap her on your behalf. A person must have issues to go out of their way to be a dick to everyone.

Is it okay to add you on twitter? I feel like I'm stalking you! It's a pain in the arse to check LJ on my phone for updates, so if I know there's a reason to make it worthwhile beforehand... =Þ

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Of course bb! You're not stalking me, but be advised that the content of my twitter is...crazy, at very best :D