game, set, match: burrito

[gyzym]

Saturday brunch did not happen this weekend due to [various and assorted nonsense], so we did pizza dinner tonight instead. Why I always let myself believe they'll be less ridiculous later in the day, I just don't know.

Me: Ugh, this tomato sauce is killing me, I bit the inside of my cheek this morning.
My Mother: DON'T LOOK AT IT.
Me: What?
My Mother: The place you bit, don't look at it, or if you do look at it, don't be surprised if--
Me: Why would I look at it?
My Father: Who looks at that kind of thing? Do you look at it when you bite the inside of your mouth?
My Mother: Well, yeah, I mean, I can feel it, I can't help myself.
My Father: Never look inside your mouth. What are you, crazy?
Me: Okay, well, sometimes I think there's probably a good reason to--
My Father: No, no there's not, there is never a good reason to look inside your own mouth. It's like sushi--just go with it, do not look at what's inside. Unless you're you, I guess, because you're a freak and you like octopus--
Me: Octopus is delicious!
My Father: There are suckers on it.
My Mother: She can eat octopus if she wants.
My Father: We can't go by you, you look inside your own mouth! Only dentists should go there.
Me: Your intensity about this is kind of freaking me out, just so you know.
My Father: You should listen to your father, I know what I'm talking about, and--
Burrito: *BURP*
My Father: Don't burp at the dinner table, you know better than that.
Burrito: Seriously? You guys are talking about the insides of your mouths.
My Father: ....
Me: ....
My Mother: He's kind of got us there, guys.

And then, of course, there was the continuation of the Angry Bird madness after Burrito left the table:

My Mother: So, should I download it?
Me, referring to the conversation she interrupted: ...what, turkey tacos? How would you--
My Father: No, she means the birds.
Me: Oh my god, are we still on Angry Birds?
My Mother: It's all he's been talking about all day.
My Father: I got to the second part! In only a couple of days, that's good, right?
Me: I don't know, I stopped play it when I realized how much of my time it was eating.
My Father: The yellow ones explode when you hit them!
Me: You recognize that you sound like a four year old right now.
My Father: Fuck you, it took me like an hour to figure that out.
My Mother: So, should I download it?
My Father: YES
Me: NO
My Father: DON'T LISTEN TO HER IT'S AWESOME
Me: IT'S TOO LATE FOR HIM, SAVE YOURSELF
Burrito, from the other room: YOU GUYS, STOP YELLING, I'M TRYING TO WATCH A SHOW.

In conclusion, the 11 year old is the only mature adult out of all of us, and it's not even much of a surprise. The end!

Comments

[flynn-boyant.livejournal.com]

I love posts about your family.
I feel like I should make popcorn, crack open a nice cold Coke and enjoy the show! They are that addictive! Hopefully, not Angry Birds addictive. . .actually, even if they WERE I WOULD NOT CARE!

[sorrynotsorry.livejournal.com]

JSYK you should get your dadster an Angry Birds plushie for his birthday. JUST BECAUSE.

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

Your family is awesome and makes me laugh out loud for real. :-D

[illian.livejournal.com]

Wait a year or two, then the hormones will hit him.

[neomeruru.livejournal.com]

I must be the only person on the planet who picked up Angry Birds and put it down within a few minutes. It just... didn't have an effect on me. And I tend to get addicted to video games -- hello, Warcraft...

[fic-kitty.livejournal.com]

Burrito continues to be a righteous little dude, not takin' none of y'all's crap.

I want to know what your mother expects you to find in there. Like, an extra tooth? Bits of food you forgot you were storing for winter? An eye? Or does she just think you all have extremely poor dental hygiene? :P

[poto-heart.livejournal.com]

Octopus IS delicious. They don't know what they're talking about. KEEP FIGHTIN' THE GOOD FIGHT.

[abbylee]

Hee, the next post on my flist also refers to delicious octopus.

I want to know what your mother was going to warn about that happens when you look inside your mouth. But your father's intensity is also freaking me out; I don't have the patience to brush and floss without wandering around my house but I still can't imagine never using the mirror.

[stella-pagan.livejournal.com]

True story: your stories about your family make my day. Came for the 5-0, stayed for the crazy!

[(Anonymous)]

Just so you know, your last post about Angry Birds made me go back to the game. I downloaded the lite version and never really liked it, but now I've finished that and am on 2-20 of the paid version...in a day... and this is why I have yet to start my essay due tomorrow morning.

tl;dr Lowly anon finds endless amusement in your family.

[winslow-arizona.livejournal.com]

...I look inside my own mouth all the time. It's rarely justified, except when I recently thought I had a cavity, but I don't have a little mirror so I had to use the big one.

The moral of that story is: it's impossible to be panicked about one's possible tooth problems when one is sitting on the bathroom counter trying to figure out the best angle for one's head to be at so one might see one's rearmost molars. (I don't even know if I'm talking about myself anymore, or some hypothetical anonymous person. It's possible that I've had too much sugar today.)

[seeingrightly.livejournal.com]

FUCK YEAH CALAMARI

It might be sad that that's the strongest emotional response I had to those stories, but seriously, I have not had a proper Italian meal in ages, oh my god, CAN IT BE EASTER WEEKEND YET

[fight-bears.livejournal.com]

Seriously, the epic stories of your family really brightens my day.

You family is so hilarious, it is outstanding. It reminds me of the ridiculousness of my family and it makes me miss them.

In other news: my dad is also addicted to Angry birds. It must be a father thing. I'm afraid to download it because I don't want to procrastinate on my work more than I already do

[loceheri.livejournal.com]

I am casting my vote for octopus = delicious. Also, keep your mother away from Angry Birds if at all possible. It probably isn't, though, because that seems to be your life.

[foes-of-reality.livejournal.com]

I can't even begin to tell you how hard this made me laugh. Seriously, this made for a glorious break from my economy paper. Also, your family is amazing. They're the good variety of crazy (as opposed to most of my family, which is the archetype for the bad variety).

But really, this: "DON'T LOOK AT IT." and then this: "Never look inside your mouth." - those bits just kind of made my day. :D

Also, I've been wondering what the deal is with this "Angry Birds" thing, but I think I'll take your advice and steer clear.

[shiroi-ten.livejournal.com]

omnomnom octopus~~

Ah your family brings joy and amazement to all! Your mom is falling to the disease. ;__;

[darkunicorna.livejournal.com]

My Father: Fuck you, it took me like an hour to figure that out.

haha I love your family ~

and omg I bite the inside of my cheek all the time, I always have canker sores and it's painful as fuck and I blame the pain on the reason that I suck at brushing my teeth and thus have too many cavities.

[jtsbbsps-dk.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL xDD This is just what I needed to cheer up monday morning! *GRINS*
... your farther is quite insane xD

[viennajones.livejournal.com]

:D I have never played angry birds because my mobile goes funny whenever I download is. I think I'm just going to listen to you and NOT try to download it ever again.

[katkaminion.livejournal.com]

HOW IS YOUR FAMILY SO HILARS. SRSLY. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL OR SOMETHING, MY NOSE CAN'T TAKE IT, I'M SNORTING MYSELF SILLY, I'M GONNA NEED RHINOPLASTY IF THIS KEEPS HAPPENING, STOP BEING SO FUNNY-

-EXCEPT PLEASE DON'T, I HAVE A STUPID NOSE ANYWAY I'M GONNA BE A NURSE SO WHAT DO I NEED A NOSE FOR IT'S EVEN GONNA BE BETTER THAT WAY I CAN'T SMELL ALL THE DIAPERS I'M GONNA BE CHANGING AND ALL THE OLD PEOPLE AND THE BABY PUKE AND YEAH SHUTTING UP NOW.

[photoclerk.livejournal.com]

I thought she was telling you not to look at the tomato sauce, but THEN IT GOT EVEN WEIRDER.
Man, the worst my dad does is drool at waitresses and be rude to my mom. And everyone. >_>