what even is this.

[gyzym]

Alright, so, here's the deal: I'm 25K into a fic that isn't even half done, I have more or less forgotten what solid REM sleep feels like, there is a dude at the coffee place using TWO TABLES even though he is only one person, and I think I misplaced my sanity some time ago. I don't have a case of the Mondays so much as a case of the WHAT THE FUCKING HELLS, but! Who cares, who cares, who cares, because THERE IS A NEW 5-0 TONIGHT.

In honor of this, and because I needed to blow off some steam, please have:

Five Hawaii 5-0 Fics I'm Never Going to Write (That Someone Else Should Totally Write Instead)

1) The one where it's Toy Story and Danny is Woody and Steve is Buzz.

Danny: YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You're an action figure! You are a child's play thing!
Steve: You are a sad, strange little man.
You've Got A Friend In Me: *swells in the background*

2) The one where the Chairman from Iron Chef is Wo Fat's good twin, and Five-0 captures him by mistake.

The Chairman: The secret ingredient is INNOCENCE.
Steve: …I can't believe I'm saying this, but, uh, D, are you feeling strangely hungry right now?
Danny: Yeah, but I'm pretty much always hungry.

3) The one where Steve's a dastardly criminal mastermind, and Danny's the long-suffering Interpol agent who loves him.

Danny: You stole a painting for my birthday, didn't you.
Steve: Er…
Danny: It wasn't a question, McGarrett, nobody else would have been rappelling in and out of that museum on dental floss, what is the matter with you, and also, also, would it be so much trouble to do something legal for my birthday? Hell, sit at home, watch some television, just don't get into any trouble, that would be present enough, but no, no, you're stealing paintings--and what the fuck am I going to do with a painting, Steven, you could've at least grabbed me one of Springsteen's guitars or something, I know it's the thought that counts but jeez--
Steve: Hold on, I'll call you back.
Danny: THAT WAS NOT A REQUEST FOR YOU TO STEAL ONE OF THE BOSS'S GUITARS, YOU ANIMAL

4) The one where Steve's Aziraphale and Danny's Crowley.

Danny: Seriously, Angel, I thought--OH MY FUCKING GOD HAS THIS CAR TURNED ANOTHER GODDAMN CD INTO BEST OF QUEEN
Steve: I think it's kinda catchy.

5) The one where Danny Williams arrests Scott Caan for being drunk and disorderly, and Steve nearly has a heart attack when he walks into the station and sees them arguing.

~Further explanation unnecessary~

Comments

[siria]

Your mind is a beautiful thing.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

And/or a terrifying place :D

[csi-vixen.livejournal.com]

STOP MAKING ME WANT TO WATCH THIS SHOW, DAMMIT.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

GIVE INNNNNNNNNNNN

[fic-kitty.livejournal.com]

*laughs so much*

YOUR POSTS ARE CHERRIES ON THE TOP OF MY DAY. Because it is Monday, AND THERE WILL BE HAWAII TONIGHT. Nothing can possibly be wrong with the world :D

Also I find the idea of Danny arresting Scott HILARIOUS because I think? That Danny really would find Scotty just, like, INTOLERABLE. Which is... brain twisty and yes, hilarious.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

HE WOULD. HE SO WOULD. THEY WOULD HATE EACH OTHER, AND MEANWHILE STEVE WOULD BE ALL LIGHTHEADED ON ACCOUNT OF ALL HIS BLOOD RUSHING TO HIS COCK SO FAST

[flatlanddan.livejournal.com]

No. 2 is totally the thing that is going to keep me going through writing this essay.

ALLEZ CUISINE!!!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

:D GOOD LUCK ON YOUR ESSAY, BB!

[jtsbbsps-dk.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAA

*dies from gif*

*revives*

*CRACKS UP LAUGHING AGAIN*

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! OMFG these ideas are HILARIOUS!!!! xDDD

God, I love your brain. Seriously. I think I want the criminal!Steve the most because the fandom got gangster!Danny so we OBVIOUSLY NEED RAPPELLING WITH DENTAL FLOSS!Painting stealing!Steve and hopelessly in love!good guy!Danny sldkhglakdshfjkldh WANT TO BAD!!!

Also:

I'm 25K into a fic that isn't even half done sædkrgjhsælkdhj *SQUEALS AND DIES FROM ANTICIPATIONS* *WILL WAIT FOREVER FOR IT* THIS NEWS. IT IS GOOD NEWS.

THERE IS A NEW 5-0 TONIGHT I CAN'T WATCH IT UNTIL TOMORROW BECAUSE OF THE STUPID TIME ZONES AND SCHOOL AND I HAVE A DENTIST'S APPOINTMENT BEFORE I CAN GO HOME! *cries* *WANTS*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

AUGH I'M SORRYYYYYYYY! If it's any comfort I think I'm gonna have to wait until a download goes live tonight? My fucking cable's broken, and EVERY CHANNEL WORKS EXCEPT ABC AND CBS *weeps*

[dogeared.livejournal.com]

I am so mesmerized by that gif asdf;lasdkfjas;dlfkasjf;slkj SIX HOURS *BITES NAILS*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

fhjsdhgjsdk LONGER FOR ME, AUGH, MY CABLE IS BROKEN AND CBS AND ABC BOTH DON'T WORK EVEN THOUGH ALL MY OTHER CHANNELS DOOOOO I'M GONNA HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DOWNLOAD AUGHHHH

[hermette.livejournal.com]

NOTHING HURTS.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥!

[vickita.livejournal.com]

OMG, the Toy Story one is frighteningly perfect. Also, I like criminal mastermind!Steve. And all the rest of them. Yup.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

RIGHT, ISN'T THE TOY STORY ONE SCARY, OMFG.

[sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com]

I love that last one a lot. And wow, poor Steve's mind, TWO Dannys, in essence. That's a lot of hot for one man to handle. A lot of SHOULDERS.

In my fic, the secret ingredient is pineapple, BUT YOU KNEW THAT.

IS IT TIME FOR STEVE TO FALL OFF A MOUNTAIN YET? HUH? HUH?

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

TOO MANY SHOULDERS, TOO LITTLE TIME.

djskfhs I was just telling dogeared up there, MY CABLE WENT AND BUSTED, I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DOWNLOAD FDJKFHDSJKF IT HURTS MEEEEE

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

I JUST CANT.

"THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS INNOCENCE." OMFG WHO ARE YOU? COME TO MY BOSOM AND BE SNUGGLED BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

ALSO: LMAO AT THE POTENTIAL FICS. I DONT HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL RIGHT NOW TO EVEN BEGIN CONSIDERING WRITING ANYTHING, SO ILL LEAVE THAT TO THE EXPERTS.

... someone really, REALLY needs to fuck up the 4th wall and do that last one. the mental images im getting are hysterical. THIS NEEDS TO COME TO FRUITION.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

hfjdsfhjdks I AM A CRAZY PERSON ON THE INTERNET, THAT'S ALL, BE ADVISED.

Dude I totally agree I need that story like burning SOMEONE SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE IT

[somehowunbroken]

I kind of want to write that third one...

/o\

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

DO IT.

DO IT NOW.















plz? =D

[viennajones.livejournal.com]

Alright, so, here's the deal: I'm 25K into a fic that isn't even half done MUSIC TO MY EARS, BB!

3) also makes me love your mind a lot.

AND THAT GIF IS KILLING ME SO MUCH.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

IT IS A PRETTY KILLER GIF :D

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

#3 WOULD BE GLORIOUS.

#4, #4, OMFG, OH GOD PLEASE, THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN SO MUCH. SO. MUCH. *______*

#5 JUST ABOUT MADE MY BRAIN EXPLODE FROM THE YES PLEASE

Your brain is strangely reminiscent of that of Leonard da Quirm. Perhaps you also need a tin foil hat to keep the universe from fucking with you by sending you random inspiration particles every five minutes? It's a thought.

THEN AGAIN, THAT WOULD BE TRAGIC, AS WE'D NEVER HAVE GOTTEN INCEPTION POOH OR INCEPTION CARE BEARS OR STEVE AND DANNY AS DUCKLINGS. FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

dkjfsdhf I AM LIKE LEONARD DA QUIRM IN MANY WAYS, BUT MOSTLY THE ONE WHERE ONE DAY I'M GOING TO ABSENT MINDEDLY CAUSE A MASSIVE DISASTER WHILE I'M THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. Also, it would be better for me/everyone if Vetinari locked me up. Also, I kind of slash da Quirm and Vetinari a little bit, IS THAT WRONG?

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I kiss your brain, bb <3

P.S. I owe you an email darling ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Eee, so long as you got mine!

[padfootthegrim.livejournal.com]

THE LAST TWO. THE LAST TWO I MAY HAVE TO WRITE THEM OMG. I HAVE TO REREAD GOOD OMENS THOUGH BUT LIKE THAT IS A HARDSHIP AHDHSALSJDHAJSLA

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD JDSHFDSHFS I WOULD DIE OF GLEE I WOULD DIE OF IT OKAY

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

If I ever get around to watching this series, (who am I kidding, that's definitely going to happen, I can't resist anymore), I promise, swear, heart-on-a-stick, to write you this one:

4) The one where Steve's Aziraphale and Danny's Crowley.

Danny: Seriously, Angel, I thought--OH MY FUCKING GOD HAS THIS CAR TURNED ANOTHER GODDAMN CD INTO BEST OF QUEEN
Steve: I think it's kinda catchy.

(And maybe the Interpol/art thief one as well. Ahem.)

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

Also, because I just found this and I need to share it with someone:

[robanybody.livejournal.com]

I would pay for the Good Omens AU. DANNY IS THE CRANKIEST ANGEL EVER AND STEVE KNOWS THAT ALL HIS SHENANIGANS CAUSE LOW-GRADE EVIL AND HE IS PLEASED.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

jdshfdjsfdfhds I WANT IT SO MUCH, I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN

[seeingrightly.livejournal.com]

JIZZ I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO BB ♥!

[roseclaw.livejournal.com]

I kinda want number 3, but I want it where they're ALL criminal masterminds. 5-0 is the most notorious of them all!

And I'm of the firm belief that a fandom is not a fandom until there are three things: wing!fic, soul-bonding!fic, and a Good Omens AU.

:D

[sunsaralyn.livejournal.com]

Tee hee. For me, it's Soul-Bonding fics, long forced-marriage fics, and some crossover with something I'd never have imagined, but love dearly. (usually, SG1, HP, TS, Firefly, now H50 ...)

[kaos-sparrow.livejournal.com]

*lurker/stalker*

No, no! You must have it the wrong way round! Steve is Crowley.
...He delights in questionable interrogation techniques and frequently attempts to give his partner a mild heart attack and a nice present of some bullets in the spleen. This tells us something, I feel.

...someone NEEDS to write the toy story one. And, you know, all of them.

[sunsaralyn.livejournal.com]

haha, with the second one, AB and Chin just sit there looking worried and or amused, and then AB starts explaining the history of something to Chin, and whaddya know? Fast friends. And also, empathy with the 25 K half-done fic. I'm working on a Sentinel fic that's at 29 something right now, and I know I'm nowhere near the conflict, let alone the resolution. Cuz the boys just keep wanting to ... do other things.

[belle-favrielle.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see numbers 2 and 5, please!

No, but seriously, every time Wo Fat says something sinister, I expect him to break out an apple and just BITE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

Your mind is indeed a wonderful place.

I KEEP FORGETTING THAT IT IS GOING TO BE ON TONIGHT AND THEN SPASTICALLY FLAILING WHEN I REMEMBER IT WILL BE. AT THIS RIGHT, I WILL BRAIN MYSELF ON SOMETHING BEFORE THE SHOW EVER GETS HERE.

[stella-pagan.livejournal.com]

Your brain: I bow to it. I genuflect so effing hard. That is all.

[zolac-no-miko.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing at all of these, although especially one and four, I think, for the spot-on perfect references*

Regarding Wo Fat and Iron Chef... I feel so alone in fandom when it comes to Mark Dacascos. I mean, I get it, Iron Chef is kind of this big popular thing, that's how everyone knows him, and yes, I appreciate the crack value, because it's hilarious. But I'm one of those weirdo people who stumbles awkwardly through life, unknowingly doing everything backwards. So when I finally got around to seeing two or three Iron Chef episodes, I already knew Mark Dacascos from the intensely obscure film Le Pacte des Loups.

So where most people look at him and see this:



I look at him and see this:



And this:



And then I imagine him beating the ever-living shit out of people, with or without tomahawk.

Most people look at Wo Fat and go, "LOL SECRET INGREDIENT!"; I look at Wo Fat and become a drooling, unintelligible gibbering idiot.

I'm thinking I should maybe start a campaign for "Mark Dacascos is the hottest thing since hot." WHO'S WITH ME?

[theonlytwin.livejournal.com]

I AM WITH YOU.