you've gotta give a little love

[gyzym]

Alright, guys, so I've had...kind of a terrible day on a number of fronts. I'm not going to go into it, partially because you guys don't need to know about the various and assorted nonsense involved, but mostly because I've seen something that really, really puts my shitty 24 hours into perspective.

This is an article about a gay student at the University of North Carolina who was attacked and branded last week; this is a link to the post about it that's circulating on tumblr--it contains images of said branding, so please click with care. Apparently, the student in question was "approached last week on the Chapel Hill campus by a man who called him a derogatory name and held a heated object to his wrist for several seconds, leaving third and fourth-degree burns." His attacker is reported to have said "Here is a taste of hell."

I don't know about you guys, but that makes me pretty fucking angry. Shit, angry isn't even the right word--what I felt, reading that article, was more than anger, was disappointment and rage and heartache and terror. I felt, feel, sick, and that's just reading about it; I can't imagine what it's like to be at UNC right now, to be a member of the LGBT community there, or, god forbid, to be Quinn Matney--the attacked student, who has a name and a face and a family, who has nerve damage and a memory of violence he'll have to carry with him for the rest of his life.

ETA: I have just been linked to this article, which was published (*checks*) 15 minutes ago, and states that the reports of this attack have turned out to be false. I'm torn on how to feel about this--on the one hand, I really hope this didn't really happen; on the other hand, oh, god, fabricating a hate crime is very, very not okay. Either way, the message I intended to send out with the rest of this post changes not one iota, regardless of how this story continues to play out. Okay? Okay.

And the thing is, I've thought, for awhile, about making a post like this one--thought about when and how to do it, if I could possibly put into words all the things I want to say. But this seems like pretty fucking good motivation to put some solid safe vibes out there, so here we go.

When I was in college, I was part of an organization that was basically my campus's version of a Gay Straight Alliance. I spent a few years as a member, a year in a significant leadership position, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life; I made friends who are still closer to me than anyone, learned more about myself and others than I ever would have imagined possible wandering into a meeting as a scared freshman with no idea if I'd even stay. We did a lot of different things as an organization--everything from safe sex talks to outreach programs to Out Week in the fall and Pride Week in the spring. But we did more for each other as people than we ever did as an org, playing Mario Kart and drinking really terrible beer on Tuesday nights, coaching each other through breaking up, through coming out, through our class schedules and losing our iPods and pulling all nighters to study for exams. We were a group of people who found each other through one shared experience and stayed close because of all the others, and it was the safest place in the world, that haven of you-get-it-and-so-do-I.

And, see, the best thing, the best thing we ever did--we had these meetings, right, once a week, in a local off-campus building with floor pillows and big couches. Three times a month there was a discussion topic, random shit people submitted or half-assed games of Jeopardy, and once a month it was a free-for-all; you could come in and talk or come in and listen, you didn't even have to say your name if you didn't want to. It was a room free of judgment, open to anyone who wanted to be there, and, in the words of a guy who ended up becoming (and staying) a good friend of mine, "You can talk about gay shit or not, we're cool with whatever. Loud and proud is awesome, but so is hanging out. Nobody's going to look at you funny for anything you say."

And so this post--and, by extension, this journal--is my version of that room. Because everyone deserves a safe place; somewhere they can talk or just listen, somewhere where no one is going to look at them funny for anything they say. Can I promise that I'll know the right things to tell you, if you decide you want to speak up? Of course not; I'm a girl with an internet connection and a lot of feelings, and at the end of the day I never really know what the fuck I'm talking about. I can't even promise that I'll answer every comment, because you guys know, as a rule, that I am Bad At The Internet and have the attention span of a fly, and I'll probably miss at least one by mistake no matter what I do. But this post really isn't about me at all--it's just here, right, and it'll just be here, and if there are things you wanna say or stories you wanna tell, you go ahead.

Most importantly, please know this: whether you are gay, straight, lesbian, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual; whether you are genderqueer or genderfuck; whether you are cis- or transgendered; whether you are sure of your identity or not, there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe there's not a word that applies to who you are, or there's one I have omitted in error--maybe there are so many words that apply that you're not sure where to begin. Maybe you're out and proud and maybe you're not, maybe you're ready to approach it and maybe you're not, maybe you're in a solid place and maybe you're not, but whoever you are, wherever you are in your process, it's okay, it's just fine, and so are you. You are good, beautiful, fantastic just the way you are.

This week is Pride Week. I'm not here to tell you to be proud of yourselves--though, of course, I wish that for all of you--because I know from experience that it's easier said then done. I'm telling you instead that I am proud of you, whoever you are, whoever you choose and absolutely do not choose to be. There is hate in the world; there are people out there eager to give you a "taste of hell," looking to make your life harder, or even just missing the mark and getting it wrong, making you feel bad or misunderstood or small. But for every one of them, there is someone out there like you, like me, looking for and finding the safe spaces; we are here, learning ourselves and each other, doing what we can to figure it out. You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not going to hell.

So raise your hands, guys; raise them for everyone you're proud of, for everyone you've loved, for the people you are, have been, and will become. Raise them high, and know that our hands are up too, waving back at you, no matter the size of the void.

♥

Comments

[8ways.livejournal.com]

I love you, Jizzy. <3

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I love you too, Pie <3

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

*hugs you so hard*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

*hugs you RIGHT BACK*

[earth-is-a-star.livejournal.com]

I'll raise both :*)

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥

[sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Right back atcha, babe ♥

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

i too am sickened by what i read in that article. we like to say that we're living a world now, more than ever, that is full of acceptance and that being who you are is ok... and then shit like this happens. racism still exists, sexism, homophobia, all of it, and it boggles my mind how some people can think everything is just HUNKY-DORY and no matter where you go, you will be accepted.

there are still so many closed minded, IGNORANT sons-of-bitches out there, and this is just another case of someone taking out their hate on someone else. disgusting.

its terrible quinn had to go through that, and i hope the campus is rallying with him against the person who did this and people like the person who did this. it needs to stop.

violence aside, this is a beautiful post <3

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

It is appalling; I spent about an hour today just like, driving around in my car going OH GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH HUMANITY. But then I realized that it's better to spread the love than dwell on the hate, so that's what I'm doing. ♥

Thank you for reading, bb.

[siehn.livejournal.com]

You are an amazing person.

Thank you for posting this. <3

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading. ♥

[somehowunbroken]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

[leupagus.livejournal.com]

I still say, if I ever meet Quinn Matney, Imma buy him a beer - he punched his attacker in the face and got away, and I'm petty but I love that he did that, that he was able to meet violence and pain and essentially punch it in the face.

This is an awesome thing to offer, and you are awesome, too.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I am so fucking proud of Quinn Matney in general--for punching that asshole, for having the courage to report it, for being willing to do what I've read he's doing and pursue this under federal hate crime laws.

♥

[starlit-cities.livejournal.com]

When I was in college (the first time) our college was small and in a podunk town in the middle of nowhere Virginia. My very best friend, the one whose children I will have when he finally finds that man of his dreams, was the victim of a hate crime. We both were, actually. Me because I'm a woman and him because he was loud and proud and didn't take shit from anybody.

I'll never forget it because we were too scared to live alone so he stayed in my dorm and we slept in the same bed and sometimes we cried and sometimes we had nightmares and sometimes we even slept. When I hear about hate crimes it makes me sick in my soul. Because I'm religious, spiritual, whatever you want to call it. I go to church on Sunday and go to a religious university. But I DO NOT believe anyone is going to hell for being who they are.

And I'm sorry I'm rambling and for this extremely long comment. But I'm ridiculous because even when I see the may contain triggers cut I still click and it still come rushing back. And I just. I don't even know. I don't understand how someone could be filled with so much hate for a fellow human being. I'll never understand it and I never want to.

You're amazing. Thanks for this post and sharing it with everyone.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. I am so sorry you had to go through that--it is horrifying and disgusting and I don't understand either, the lengths people go to with hate, the purpose they seem to see behind it. But I do know that you, for carrying on after that kind of experience, for being willing to talk about it, are strong and brave and doing so much good, so you really shouldn't be thanking me at all. I should be thanking you, and I do, with all my heart. ♥

[hungerpunch.livejournal.com]

i have so much to say that i can't say anything at all. this made me tear up and get wibbly. thank you so much, gyzym ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I'll be here if you find your words, bb. Thank you for reading. ♥

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥!

[robanybody.livejournal.com]

I love you, bibi. You are amazing. ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I got love in my heart for you too, darling. ♥

[(Anonymous)]

Just a quick update on the Quinn Matney story (I go to UNC and read this just after reading an email from the UNC chancellor). Apparently his police report was deemed false, but the email did ackowledge that hate crimes happen and are unacceptable. They haven't said anything about why or go into detail, but they did find it false.

I agree with everything you're saying, but this is just an update on what's happening with that.

http://www.dailytarheel.com/index.php/article/2011/04/police_determine_false_report_in_assault_case_will_not_report_it_as_a_hate_crime

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR LINKING THIS. I, wow, I don't even know what to say to that, though of course it doesn't change the overall message here. I've edited the post accordingly; should you learn anything else and feel inclined towards keeping me/us updated, I'd hugely appreciate it. ♥

[hermette.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥ right back your way, darling!

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you made this post, because this message - that's there's nothing wrong with you, whether you're gay, straight, bisexual, trans, binary or not, etc - is one that will never, ever be repeated enough. It's just so fucking hard to be out, especially in some areas and states and communities, and there are a lot of times when whatever little niche someone can carve out of the internet is the only safe place they have.

Attacks like this - it's just important, beyond important, to remember that they still happen, even now, even after DADT has been repealed and everyone raised their glass and the news cycle moved on; it'd be nice and easy to just tell ourselves that with each new successful court case and equal rights law pass, the hatred - this need for people to hate other people because they can't seem to function otherwise - hasn't yet gone away. My generation (us younguns) is, in general, a lot more accepting than many of the generations before, but sadly, that need that some people have, to have hate in their lives - it hasn't gone away. Those who want to be allies need to combat that attitude (safely) in an any way they can, because every little bit helps, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Fuck, I mean, in my high school, when me and my friends started our GSA and did stuff like the AIDs walk, etc - we got a lot of shit from people. And it sucked. But we also opened some people's eyes, especially when we had the Day of Silence fiasco (the school banned us from openly participating; we framed it as a free speech issue and took it to the student body. We still weren't allowed to openly do it, but suddenly, the entire school knew what it was and a huge number of people participated - baby steps).

All of which is to say that I, as a person under that great rainbow flag, appreciate what you wrote in the post.

Also, I need ice cream because I just bawled my eyes out a little, because these stories, just, yeah.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Augh, so, shortly after I posted this I was linked to an article which has been added to the post above, which states that the report of the attack has been determined to be false. I've got a lot of feelings about that--none of which are negating the things I said in this entry, of course--but I'm not going to go into that, I just wanted to make sure I got it out there so you know.

That being said! Yes, it is so easy to forget sometimes, especially when you're lucky enough to be in a supportive environment, that there is still so much hate out there, hate we've got to combat with love and acceptance and the bravery to step out and open our arms. So thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the forward step and the risk therein of speaking out, of starting a GSA (♥ ♥ ♥!!), of doing what you can to make this world a little safer for everyone. And for all the negativity you have and, unfortunately, will probably still encounter, you have my deepest regret, all my support, and, of course, all of my love. ♥

[slothy-girl.livejournal.com]

You're an amazing person and I haven't really none you long, mostly have stuck to timidly reading your fic and sometimes reviewing if i happen to have internet when i finish, but for what it's worth- im proud of you too :)

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Eeep, thank you, bb. ♥

[shiroi-ten.livejournal.com]

♥ to all, all you said against that.

I live in a bubble, often, and forget about the injustices and the hate. Its sobering and eye-opening for you to have shared your experience, and I feel really grateful for your outlook. I can't pretend to know, but there are more reasons than I can think of for my brother keep his orientation to himself.

The world isn't all rainbows, and I am sorely tempted to ignore it, but ignorance, oblivion, isn't an option and raising my hands seems like a good start. :')

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Thank you for raising that hand, bb. ♥

[onthecount.livejournal.com]

I love you, hun. This made me cry and I can't--I'm afraid to give voice to the things I think about myself because I'm never sure if I'll want to own up to them in the morning. Someday it's probably going to come tearing out of me, but for now I am just sending hearts in your direction.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I love you too, sweets. You know I'm here if you ever need to make with the words, yes? ♥

[sangre-fria.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being awesome. ♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading.

[seeingrightly.livejournal.com]

I've been in the "tentatively bisexual" camp for close to a year, and - yeah. It's weird, being surrounded by so much positivity and negativity at the same time. I know I have friends who love me no matter what and I know that there'll be shit to deal with no matter what. And I'm not sure where I stand yet, if I'm definite in the definition or ready to talk about it with more than the people I have, but in the meantime I'm going to continue to do what I can to stand up against the people who don't.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Hey hey, as someone who got to bisexuality through the unlikely path of "boycrazy --> oh shit I'm in love with my best friend ---> I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS ABOUT ANYONE OH MY GOD ---> wait except for all those times I had crushes on girls and didn't know that's what they were ---> GUESS I'M A LESBIAN ---> oh god what the hell wait I'm still attracted to guys what is this --> bisexual? ---> yeah, okay, bisexual", I have been to the "tentatively bi" movie. It is definitely a strange place to be; it's confusing and too much sometimes and you will (or have already) encounter people who will try to tell you that you have to swing one way or the other. But, having been in the firmly bisexual camp for some time now, lemme tell you: that is crap. No you don't.

And also, you should know from someone who has been there, the ground on which you are standing will get more steady. Whatever place you end up reaching, it'll be a good solid one, and it will be absolutely, one hundred percent okay. ♥

[allheadybooks.livejournal.com]

Thanks for writing this. We're proud of you too.

I feel incredibly blessed that my brushes with prejudice have been largely of the institutional variety (not being able to get legally married, for one) rather than the personal, but I've certainly felt shunned and unwelcome, which is a common experience to most if not all queer people. Those of you who've been personally targeted, violently or not, as a result of homo-, trans- or just plain queer-phobia, you have my empathy and my support. Experiences of oppression unite our community, and while I wish nobody had to go through these things, I also think we can help each other find strength in them. Word, everybody.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I second everything that has been said here. Thanks, love. ♥

[alamo-girl80.livejournal.com]

*high fives you for being awesome*

Fabulous post, m'dear. I love how fandom brings people together like this!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

FANDOM IS EXCELLENT THAT WAY, IT IS TRUE. ♥

[angelgazing.livejournal.com]

You are the best forever. *hugs*

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

No, you. *hugs*

[puckling.livejournal.com]

♥

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

♥!

[noble-ammonite.livejournal.com]

Can I, random person you don't know who apparently needs to friend you, give you major hugs for including asexual in your list? That really means a lot - it sort of made me cry a little. Most people don't believe it's an orientation, and I spent the majority of my life thinking I was wrong and broken for not being like 99% of the rest of the world. I could write, like, a book of disjointed thoughts on this post, which is made of awesome yet heartbreaking at the same time, but I had to get that one out there because... yeah. Thank you.

♥ ♥ ♥

[end1essly.livejournal.com]

I feel exactly the same way, you're not alone ♥