someday i'm going to base a novel on my family and no one will believe any of it was ever true

[gyzym]

Changed my layout and my default icon (SORRY CATHY I GOT REALLY SICK OF THAT RED HOUSE ALL THE FUCKING TIME DON'T HATE ME I KNOW IT IS CONFUSING BUT YOU WILL ADAPT SOMEHOW). Also changed my journal title for the first time since HAVING this journal, largely because... er, well. Because while "angelheaded hipsters" was and is one of my favorite Ginsbergian turns-of-phrase, I am not actually a hipster? At least not according the the current definition. I'd be more accurately described as "hippie," and I've wanted to screw around with my journal title for ages. It will probably change again shortly, once I scroll through the Inspiration Meme for the umpteenth time, but for right now it's a line from the e.e. cummings poem here's to opening and upward.

In other news, onthecount and I had a conversation last night about a Wizard of Oz AU and she...she drew DOROTHY COBB, oh, it is so glorious, and several other EQUALLY GLORIOUS THINGS (Tin Man Arthur! Scarecrow Eames! oh god really just click that link).

Furthermore, if anyone still needs proof that I am apparently Larry David, here is an actual conversation from the Chanukah brunch my family did this morning to make up for the one that got canceled due to blizzard:

My Aunt: Here, have some fruit.
My Father: Thanks.
My Aunt: Why aren't you taking any mango? Take some mango.
My Father: No, I don't like mango.
My Aunt: Of course you like mango. Everyone likes mango. Have you ever even tried mango?
My Father: Yes, I've tried it. I don't like it.
My Aunt: YES YOU DO, EVERYONE LIKES MANGO. EAT THE GODDAMN MANGO.
My Father: I DON'T LIKE MANGO.
My Aunt: You're probably mixing it up with something else. Where did you have it--in a smoothie? On a salad? Because you have to just try it plain to--
My Father: I've had it in smoothies and in salads and plain, I don't like it, I feel like I'm in Green Eggs & motherfucking Ham, I AM NOT EATING THE MANGO.
My Aunt: YOU MUST HAVE BEEN EATING SOMETHING ELSE, MANGO IS GOOD NO MATTER HOW YOU PREPARE IT.
My Father: The only time I've ever liked it was when I had some of those dried slices.
My Aunt: Oh. I don't like it like that.
Everyone: DSJFDSJFSDHJFKHDSFJKDSFHKDSJ.

Okay AND NOW I AM WRITING THINGS, BECAUSE I KNOW ALL I DO LATELY IS POST ABOUT HOW MY CRAZY FAMILY IS CRAZY, BUT IN MY DEFENSE...THEY ARE CRAZY. But my writing mojo is baaaaaaaaack, THERE WILL BE FIC OF SOME KIND BY THE END OF THE WEEKEND I SWEAR. My holiday_heist thinger went up yesterday but it was, let's be honest, largely an excuse to make it widely known that my people, the Jews, eat Chinese food on Christmas. BUT I COULD HAVE JUST LINKED YOU TO THIS VIDEO:

:DDD

ETA: OH ALSO, in an attempt to aid in the fake-naming of my brothers, I asked the 19 year old what he would pick as a superhero name. He considered deeply and then, dnfjsdfndsf oh my god, said MUTATION, and when I asked him why he said, very seriously, "Because it's a name of ambiguous morality. I could be caught in the epic internal struggle of good and evil! THINK OF HOW MANY COMIC BOOKS THAT WOULD SELL."

I reminded him that it was a theoretical exercise, but he would not be swayed. What even is my life.

Comments

[cobweb-diamond.livejournal.com]

MUTATION. LOL, his superpower could easily be, like, having six fingers on one hand. What.

re: finding things to do on Christmas.... OMG SO HARD. usually we have an action-movie marathon. one year it was really windy and my family got out kites & roller skates and surfed around because there were no cars outside. i remember at primary school even my friends who were sikhs (there's a pretty big sikh community in glasgow) kind of celebrated xmas, and i was like, whut.

p.s. what are your hippie credentials?

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

Lmfao I KNOW. I was like "What would you even do?" and he gave me this unimpressed look and said "I would MUTATE." dmfdfndsf

We tend to like. Try to be in warm places with beaches over the holidays because at least then we can frolic in the ocean?

HIPPIE CREDENTIALS:
1) THESE PANTS
2) My father was/is a Deadhead and followed the Grateful Dead all over the country before my mother was like OKAY ENOUGH NOW, now he only follows them within a three-state radius, and he started taking me to concerts/shows/festivals at the tender age of 14
3) I've been to two All Good festivals, five Gratefulfests, more single/double act concerts than I can count, and have probably owned my own weight in hemp jewelry, though I tend to avoid wearing it now because I have a stupid real job and people tend to profile :/
4) When in doubt, wear a bandana
5) I SMOKE A FAIR AMOUNT OF WEED, NGL
6) And all of my paraphanelia is named after Grateful Dead lyrics
7) Ahahahahaha and when I got that tattoo of that Picasso print it was only because my friends insisted I would regret getting the rose from the cover of the album American Beauty. But, tbh, I am kind of still considering getting that put somewhere else.

DO I QUALIFY? :DDDDD

[two-if-by-sea.livejournal.com]

I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO ADJUST /arcade fire

Your family, Jizzy, I can't even. Also I refuse to call your older brother MUTATION. TELL HIM HE NEEDS TO PICK SOMETHING MORE PHALLIC. Also internal struggles of good and evil never sell. just ask Marvel and DC-- what you need is a huge IN-VERSE CIVIL WAR!! OR A MULTIVERSE BATTLE TO THE DEATH!!

AND ALSO HOT LADIES!!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I ALSO REFUSE TO CALL MY BROTHER MUTATION! djfjdsf I wish I could just call them "my younger brother" and "my older brother" except that they are both younger than ~me~, the one is just the like...comparatively older...dfjdsfdsf fail.

I WILL TRY TO SWAY HIM INTO PICKING A NEW NAME WITH THE CONCEPT OF MULTIVERSE BATTLES TO THE DEATH & HOT LADIES. I THINK HE WILL APPROVE OF THOSE THINGS.

[apples]

I approve of E.E. Cummings journal titles! Mine has been a rotation of different Cummings quotes for a couple years now.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

EE CUMMINGS IS THE BEST :D

[oaktree89.livejournal.com]

YOUR FAMILY IS HILARIOUS

XD

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

THEY ARE. I DON'T EVEN. WHATTTTT

[chaoticallyclev.livejournal.com]

I have definitely had that mango conversation, and several others like it, both with my family and with RANDOM PEOPLE. Like at work, when the chefs were like, Oh, how do you like this stuff? Me: I don't eat curry. Chefs: well, ho do you know if you haven't tried it? Me: My dad cooks something with curry in it at least 20 times a year, and he makes me try it at least half of that time, and I don't like curry. No one in my family besides my dad likes curry. It's kinf of like thanksgiving when my mom cooks turkey and then, some point during the meal, one of us will mention how we aren't that fond of turkey and she goes WHAT? I thought that was the one person who isn't here right now? Everyone: NO. SHE ACTUALLY LIKES TURKEY. NO ONE ELSE LIKES TURKEY. Mom: Well, I bought another one as well and it's in the freezer.

Actually, speaking of families, we had this fantastic day of "let's try to make me want to cry/hide in a hole an never come out" through the course of sex jokes. Not just general, haha, joking, but as it relates to relationships in my family. My mother started this on the phone with my father when i was in the car and -- it was uncomfortable. But not as uncomfortable as her repeating it to both of my sisters on seperate occasions. Then my oldest sister decided to share how my other sister's fiance, while drunk last night, said something about how little asians inside of everyone will be the future, pointed to Thing 2 and went, she's already had a little asian in her. WHICH I DID NOT NEED TO HAVE STATED. This stroy was shared, repeated, and joked about EIGHT MORE TIMES THAT DAY. And then when Thing 1 was going upstairs to get something, she forgot what she was saying, so she was gesturing with her hand in this weird up down motion with her hand opening at the top when she was done. WHich immediately lead to everyone else at the table mimicking this and laughing, my mom adding that "you don't have a penis!", and at this point my dad is pretty much crying with laughter. so. that was friday. before the drinking and the card games til 2 am.

...Mutation? I thought he was just talkling about a power for a second there. the though process is awesome though.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA MY MOTHER DOES THAT ALL THE TIME. She's like "I made sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving" and we're like...but we don't...like....those....

OH MY GOD AUGH I AM SO SORRY. My parents make sex jokes ALL THE TIME, because they like the traumatized look it produces on our faces.

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

Your story spoke true to me; usually my family goes to the movies and orders Chinese for dinner on Christmas.

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

It's so funny, because like, EVERY YEAR I AM DISPATCHED TO GO GET THE CHINESE, and every other Jew in Cleveland is ~also~ at my favorite Chinese place, because it is the best one in town, and so I always like. End up putting on makeup and dressing all cute to go there because INEVITABLY I run into an ex or a family friend or something.

[jibrailis.livejournal.com]

MUTATION.

...I can't even say it without giggling a little. Couldn't you at least add an article in front of it. THE MUTATION at least could sound like a condescending insult, the way I privately refer to my sisters as The Stupid One and The Less Stupid One (I hope they never see this, or they will kill me).

guess what, I eat Chinese on Christmas too.




but that is probably not as exciting, because I am Chinese. ;___;

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

DUDE, I KNOW, I LAUGHED AT HIM FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES. I suppose I could call them The Tall One and The Small One, but even that is crap, because my eleven year old brother is dsjfdsnfjkdsf AS TALL AS ME, FUCK MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I EVER TOUCH.

And no man, that is *more* exciting, because your Chinese food is probably considerably better than the like. Americanized crap we end up eating most of the time. CURSE MY ECLECTIC DATING HISTORY, because the Indian guy I dated ruined Americanized Indian food for me and the Chinese guy I dated...his parents had me over for dinner one night and we ate like. Just. It was THE BEST FOOD EVER, NANCE, I WANTED TO WEEP FROM HOW GOOD IT WAS, and now Chinese food from the restaurants around here is SO SUB-PAR I CANNOT EVEN D:

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

My mother seriously just tried to interrogate my father about where he found a vase because she thinks he was hiding it from her or it was his fault it was lost or some shit, I don't know, and then out of nowhere she says:

Mum: "Why don't we have any batteries?"
Dad: "What are you talking about?"
Mum: "We went to the supermarket yesterday and I wanted to buy batteries but you said NO WE ARE HERE TO SHOP [in a terrible impersonation-voice of my father] noooooo we couldn't buy batteries!"
Dad: "What are you talking about? What do batteries have to do with anything?"
Me: "I think she means for the Christmas tree lights..." [I am the only person who can understand my Mum when this happens, we have like Vulcan mind-meld shit going on.]
Dad: "But I don't even know what kind of batteries we need, how could I buy them?"
Mum: "But you always know these things!"
Dad: "But I didn't! I don't even know now! I have no idea what you're talking about, woman!" [ignore the "woman", it's not sexist, it's, like, a Geordie thing]
Me: [laughs incoherently while backing slowly away]

Want to swap?

[postcardmystery.livejournal.com]

ALSO IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT I DISCUSS THE COMIC-BOOK FUTURE OF YOUR BROTHER RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

OMG I am laughing my ass off at the mango conversation! LOL <3

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

IT WAS FAIRLY AMUSING NGL

[jrosemary.livejournal.com]

Lol! I'm a Jew who has never had Chinese food on Christmas. That's the consequence of being from a religiously mixed family.

So we had a small Chanukah party, during which my brother made a valiant effort to come up with house rules that would transform the dreidel game into a skill game. But we'll have a much bigger Christmas party. It won't be a religious celebration for me, like Chanukah was, but I'm all for the Christmas cookies!

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

At this point I actually consider Chinese food on Christmas its own holiday. IT'S THE ONLY DAY OF THE YEAR I FEEL JUSTIFIED IN ORDERING BEEF WITH BROCCOLI *AND* CHICKEN LO MEIN JUST FOR ME, because we eat the leftovers the whole next day.

Ahhahaha I am with your brother; driedel is totally a game of skill! The skill of making it stay up the longest, which is part of how my brothers and I play. And Christmas cookies are made of win, they're so much fun to make :D

[foxxcub.livejournal.com]

...THAT LEGIT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING FROM CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM, DO YOU JUST MAKE THIS SHIT UP, because I would watch this show.

Your brother sounds like my husband. I AM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE ADMITTING THIS.

afs;kds;f;dgkd maybewewillpostfictogether

[gyzym.livejournal.com]

I KNOW, I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING DIRECTLY FROM CURB, I WISH I MADE THIS SHIT UP OH MY GOD, THIS IS EXACTLY WHY NO ONE WILL EVER BELIEVE ME WHEN I WRITE A NOVEL ABOUT THESE LUNATICS AND INSIST THAT IT'S BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

Ahahahahahaha THEN YOUR HUSBAND MUST BE AWESOME, hopefully someday my brother will settle down with a classy lady like yourself :D

ndsfjdfdfdsdf THAT WOULD BE EXCELLENT, as emails from/fic posts by you light up my liiiiiife

[siriusmoonpup.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOL omg I love your father's conversations hahahaha I'm so jealous of your family *sighs* they sound so interesting :)

[regicidaldwarf.livejournal.com]

No lie I've been humming "I eat Chinese food on Christmas, go to the movie theater toooo" under my breath most of the day.

[tagalongcookies.livejournal.com]

Random lurker stopping by, but, uh. I read that conversation and thought it was normal? yes my family is also Jewish and yes they are also from New York, what of it. In conclusion: A++++++

[eaconwell.livejournal.com]

*begs shamelessly* *whispers* today is my birthday :) perhaps there shall be eamesXarthur fic??? ^-^

[xrainbowcloud.livejournal.com]

Inception meets Wizard of Oz makes me happy on so many levels. ♥

HAHA OMG YOUR FAMILY. ♥